|
T.r.oo.P vs Still Motion
Battle Rules:
16 Lines Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic - Eating Steel Sheets Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 07-27-05 at 05:51 AM Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in. |
Still Motion has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-26-05 05:52 PM.
|
T.r.oo.P has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-26-05 06:10 PM.
|
Several demons sip semen between mattress and sheets
Others watch virgins bleeding, blood to brush their teeth Visages covered by human faces and back massages Voluptuous breast, trick your thoughts like mirages With curved gypsy hips and your eyes flirt Peeling of clothes to reveal barren caramel desert Your thirsty for the vaginal fluid, dripping into dry tongues Breath shortens as sweet words escape your spry lungs Finger foreplay decays into an oral foray… As you the hunter salivates at slow prey… Drip… Drip… The rift below explodes into electricity Short-circuiting sexual desires of tainting virginity The smoke clears, between arm lies a metallic treat As the robotic demon force feeds you steel sheets |
*Eating Steel Sheets* So i Pickup and Begin to Relish on my Decision On Whether or Not Yet to Move To this Division Of Relenquishing My Rights to the Taste of Flesh Or of Fruits that Melted Against Teeth Like Mesh No Longer the Satisfaction of My Stomach Full From Carbs and Saturateds That use to Rule My Daily Routine of Breakfest Lunch and Dinner Now i Depend on Steel..2 this i am a Beginner to The Lifestyle of Embracing my Teeth With these Steel Pallets Mistakein for Sheets The Texture is Rougher than Exspected My Bowel Movements are Fierce... So i Take it My Stomach Chooses 2 Reject It But im Trapped Upon this Here Island Where Steel is my Only Access to Survivin Even though My Throat is Becomming Coarse From the Metallic Regimine Packed with Force That is Forced and Made to Attempt to Settle Upon my Stomach Fats as Acids Begin to Wrestle And Suddenly I Begin to Feel UnAjacent to Breath As Steel Splinters begin to Enter.. My Breathing Passages...Slowly Bleeding to Death Lord have i Made the Right Decision...2 Eat These Metallic Materials...My New Diet Killed Me... So before im Vanished....Damn to these Sheets |
.,,............................................... ..........................
|
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
wow weird topic but both did their thing good job yall...... TP- u had a nice imagery approach ti it and had a nice vocabulary to it as well lines were shirt but still aight not that basic and also try to work more on ur emotion there didnt feel any there but u did an aight job at it........ SM-ur piece was kinda aight u approached it good but the imagery and emotion wasnt good at all no vocabulary either there try to work on that aight..... V/ goes to troop for havn a better piece cuz of the imagery....... . . . . . PLZ RTF WIT A HONEST VOTE IN MY BATTLE LINKS IN MY SIG.....OR VOTE GETS REMOVED....Thnx u in advance...... |
Wtf i had no vocab............................................. .. LMAO
|
Voted For: Still Motion
i liked your style.... Several demons sip semen between mattress and sheets Others watch virgins bleeding, blood to brush their teeth 7/10...i guess this was a pretty nice opening Visages covered by human faces and back massages Voluptuous breast, trick your thoughts like mirages 6/10...wasnt quite feelin the punch With curved gypsy hips and your eyes flirt Peeling of clothes to reveal barren caramel desert 7/10....good punch...needs a bit of elevation Your thirsty for the vaginal fluid, dripping into dry tongues Breath shortens as sweet words escape your spry lungs 8/10...Very Good Punch there Finger foreplay decays into an oral foray… As you the hunter salivates at slow prey… 7/10...it was a good punch but again needs a bit of elevation Drip… Drip… The rift below explodes into electricity Short-circuiting sexual desires of tainting virginity 8/10...pretty tight bar The smoke clears, between arm lies a metallic treat As the robotic demon force feeds you steel sheets Pretty D0pe closing 9/10 U had a very nice opning as well as the closing but some punches i wasnt fellin....ur vocab work was put in with a lot of effort and bars were nicely dropped... OVERALL VOTE: Still Motion Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
.................................................. .........
|
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
Troop stuck to the topic more and his flowed better both of the structure were preety good i was liking troops vocab too but still motion did good to but i think troop got this by a hair vote-troop(NO HATE) plz return the favor http://community.rapverse.com/showb...236#post2328236 Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
.................................................. ......
|
.................................................. .........
|
..................................................
|
.................................................. .
|
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
man...this was one-sided as fuck FLow-Troop....still motion had some lines too long and some too short.Troops structure was better.Both had a basic rhyme scheme and need to improve in that. Content-Troop....still motion needs to use bigger words and shit.He was simple.No dope metas nor mothing.Troop was all that either...but still a lil above average Vote-TRoop VOTE IN LINK BELOW http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202287 Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
.................................................. ...
|
^^rtf pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeee..........................
|
.................................................. ......
|
.................................................. .....
|
.................................................. ..
|
.................................................. ...
|
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
ummmm Still u didnt stick to the topic at all man.. V/ TROOP for better vocab flow and sticking to the story Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Still didnt stick to the topic his vocab was a lil newbish and I didnt like the way his flow was set uot..while TROOPS was the opposite
|
Cam some one explain what was newbish about my vocab.... And how didnt I stick to topic? Pleas explain.
|
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
In my opinion T.r.o.o.p has dis one not by a long shot though it was a close battle Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
.................................................. .....
|
.................................................. ...
|
Voted For: Still Motion
VOTE: SM. his verse just touched my mind a little more. made me think a bit harder. i really liked the way the concept was flipped. you had an amazing use of vocab and some really nice descriptives here. the problem, to me, with the other verse was that it wasnt a good development of the idea. too much emphasis was put on the eating sheets and not the why or how etc... VOTE: SM |
.................................................. ............
|
.................................................. ....
|
Voted For: Still Motion
Troop- Alright The best Aspect of this verse was "Imagery". I liked the details you went. The Emotion should be upp a little. Vocab was good, you had a good balance. To me this was more like basic, didnt have no metaphors, no lots of emotion, just plain imagery. Which was good, but to me it was more basic vividly portrait though. The Appraoch was kinda played out to me, the concept wasn't too good as well. Still Motion-I liked your verse. The Best Aspect was the imagery. Which was very detailed More poetic. You Had Vocab, which was good. THis was a good battle in the category of "Imagery"...Word Conclusion- This was a hard decension but I vote for Still Motion. Basically his Concept was more better, and the approach was more better. The imagery Gave the concept and the approach, More Greater. Troop, You had a good verse but the concept was Un-Creative, the approach was good but the concept was just bleh, I liked your imagery very Much Detailed. So I had to vote for who had the best Concept....and Approach Plus creativeness.....V/ Still Motion |
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
Troop WOW....this was a good peice.At first,at beggining,I was like..what the fuck is this man talking about?But when the end came,I realized you were talking about suicide.DOPE concept here.As for the wording,it was ight.....not perfect though...could use some improvement.Just try to make it so the lines appear to made for each other.Your vocabulary was nice.So was flow.Those a more complex rhyme shceme would be nice. Still Motion Umm....your wording was horiible.You were all over the place.It was a mess.Vocabulary is good thing when used correctly...but I felt you used it bad.Also...you shoulda made it longer to try to describe it more.Big words alone doesn't make it dope. Vote-Troop RTF BELOW PLEASE http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203668 |
.................................................. ........
|
.................................................. .....
|
you another one em who doesn't return favors....shit..last time I vote in 1 ur battles
|
..................................................
|
This was feedback posted for Still Motion
Eating Steel Sheets sounds like a pretty gay topic to me..
|
Voted For: T.r.oo.P
Checking polls nice one fams,.. 1~ Removed |
I will get that removed,.. good luck both,...
1~ |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:58 AM. |