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Empty Path
Another story/song OM Born straight in to the hood, growing up in the ghetto A selfish wife and screaming kid,im just wanting to settle Raps the only thing I’ve got,your passion of last resort Im there listen to Immortal Technique,telling you that life is short I’ve seen my dad die all due to his pride of patriotism One brother 6 foot under, another ones in the prision Moms sat at home,believing everything she hears from the tv set But the only thing she understands, she the Alqaeda bomb threat Finally we rise, looking up to the sky, But we can never follow..... an empty path So you sit writing your rhymes, not liking this time, Coz we can never follow.... an empty path, So the next day,hope all be good,this is what tomorrow has to bring All blur,hear shouting,feel the bang of which is her wedding ring Now I can feel your heart shatter into pieces,abused in a marriage What’ve I done wrong? When she spits out something about a miscarriage If a day can start like this, then how is my life going to get better Go back to my bedroom were I pull out my first wrote love letter Think these were the days when my love was always on my mind Days when my love was confined to 1 girl, instead of all mankind Finally we rise, looking up to the sky, But we can never follow..... an empty path So you sit writing your rhymes, not liking this time, Coz we can never follow.... an empty path, Remembering all my thoughts,all my plans,all now just a dream Fallen to a fake idea which is portrayed on all earths screens That this moment in time you look for answers,so you turn to Christ I would have said it all seems darkness from here,but all I see is white I’m just sat there praying,thoughts of a 2pac’s saying,mingle in my mind ‘SHUD I BLAST MY SELF’, I’ve gone to far so this is the end of my line Sorry God, my wife and child, please may you have mercy upon my soul Fall to the floor,1 blast, curl up, this is my end once my own heart turns cold I had no aim to head for, so my choice in my in life were very vivid Because I’ll be looking over you everyday to help y’all live though it ___________________________ http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204702 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203331 |
this was a nice piece...you used good imagery and your ability to tell the story was real nice....keep it up and keep dropping......
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thanx hun:love: always nice to see feed from you
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Ya This Was Real Tight i Love The Emotion In The Story Nice Imagery Could Have Had Better Vocab But I Think Its Better When You Rap How You Talk And not Try To Use Real Big Words Just To Impress Everyone
So Good Job On This |
ahem... yeh i did the hook aswel..
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o ye sori i forgot to put that!!!! my bad
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this was hot, ure story tellin skillz has skyroceted......this was great...emotion...lyrics...all there...potentially OM of the week.....9/10
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dawg there aint no OM of the Week..........but thanx:D
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uppining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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what is this......... #3 OM this week?
MK takin over the OM's as usual MK drops some hot storytelling shit! great imagination..... story flowed good, verse flowed good..... the quality of vocab and lyrics was great! 9/10 |
yep thats 3 OMs this week.....im well happy with my self and ive got one more tomorrow,a collab with EC!!!:D
Thanx for the feed MK is now taking over the OM forum!!!!! |
Lmao. Taking it over, just like maddrapper.
Okay, truthfully, penis. On the left hand, penis. In the right hand, penis. This verse was the center equivalent of double-hand jacking off as your wife mows the lawn in her underwear. I had to put on shoes so that I didn't phase through the ground like supergirl as I read this acroynm-filled newspaper. The emotion was there like a reliable celery stalker, and the story-telling was a series of unfortunate events, minus the 'un' the 'events', the 'series', and the 'fortunate' ,just leaving was of. That's all I can say to this true dizzydope fruit cola. - sips diet coke. - |
LMAO thanx i guess:D
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I think you know.
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hey, this was a good piece very good imagery, told the story welll vocab and multis was iight structure was good, i got a good flow off of it ......yea nice piece 9/10....keep it up cant wait for that collab
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this was good man, very nice, emotion and imagery were good, flow and structure were also good, great job man, keep it up
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thanx
uppin |
Uppin..........
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Aight piece...
The concept was nice but the development of the story was sort of predictable I suppose. You still kinda struggle with your diction in my opinion: some rhyming words didn't work, grammatical errors and I had the feeling some things should've been worded differently. It's no imagery piece so I cannot comment on that but the emotion was there, you said everything the way it is, no real poetic wordings and such. Flow was decent, some lines were bit stretched so might work on that. Vocabulary was on point, the hook was real nice as well... Keep on writing and elevating! |
good shit man for reals 10/10
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yo thanx dawg^^^^
Uppin...... |
damn duke diz piece is str8 fire i like da concept vocab was nice structure was hittin originality was real good & tha creativity was up 2 par keep writing fa sho
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uppin..............
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bump .
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nice piece, still experimenting with flow eh.......well, first 4 lines were great....i think, like i said in the other one, you use too much commas, trying to paste multiple thoughts together.......take a little more time on those lines, and word them right.......try using different vocab, descriptive words help because they are effective in representing more than one word, they can mean a whole phrase, get me?......but nice piece, good message, raw emotion........up the rhyming a lil bit at the end, gets a little dry when its just one syllable words........but getting better man, this would be pretty coo as a song
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206108 rtf boy |
thanx dawg i will rtf tomorrow fo sho
bump |
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