Death Of A Respected Rival (Nos look inside)
 

Death Of A Respected Rival

This neglected foe, radiant of an sceptic glow
Pressure low, breathes deep, but his breaths are slow
He expects to go, chest fill'd, redirects the flow
He awaits his death, he's scared, but accepts it thoh
It's regreted so, reminist, now depression shows
How his rival lies in the mist, much respect is shown
Detest the tone, shallow fate, now he's left alone
The hate brought them together, it was best to grow
His rest is prone, to silence, from aggressive moans
Adjust his soul, buries rival, then he bless'd his home
Next he romes, impressed, his next step is known
Collects the dust of time, as he corrects his throne

this was a collab i did its nothing special ehh........i wanna see
what kinda feed i get it only took me bout 20 mins when i did it
so ya kno ehhh.....whateva

The flow was crazy. As was your rhyming. You were just on point in it. The storyline was good and you stayed on it. My favorite aspect of this was the rhyming. It was perfect. The imagery was cool. Same with your vocab. Just an overall nice complete piece! Hit the link in my sig and RTF

Flow was good...but everything else about it sucked.

I thought that this was pretty dope for such a short verse. My favorite part like L.I. said was the rhyming. Vocab and flow were really good. Ur structure was great too.

My favorite bar was:

"Next he romes, impressed, his next step is known"
"Collects the dust of time, as he corrects his throne"

Why? I just liked the way u said and it flowed very nice for an ending.

Peace. Hope u return the favor :thumbup:

^nooo!!!! don't do it.

Ayo this was tight though. TL reppin. Nice flow.

not really look'n fo this to stay open ya'll can close this if ya like no mattas to me
and N. Killa...................keep ya comments to ya self if you can't say nothing nice lmao
this piece contain all the critical components of a good writing which is........

Emotion
Imagry
Vocab
Multies(which made it flow well)
and it kept consistant to the story and topic

but w/e im pretty sure your post makes you nice.........lol

Here's a hint.............^^^that comment above contains this lil thing called
Sarcasm.......enjoy yaself

yeah this was nice flow and the multis was nice could've made it more real by coming off the vocab a bit but everything else was nice doe nice imaery

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2492391
Lost in the music
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=210500
Stuck in Shallow Water

ups for feed.............

...................................up

They aint callin him mr. multi for nothin..
^WTF??

Would like it better if it were longer bro.

For dinner had beef because candy’s bad for teeth
Shook and hidden over books I’ve written as chief
Of rhyme have to face a thief sometime and that’s bazaar
Catch hell from critics and they’re parasitic belong in jars
With lid tight this kid write ill stuff, drink beer foam in bars
Try to have a plan great like a landscape so talk to an architect
On how to march correct and identify script keep your heart in check
Bring the butter this is lyrical toast and spiritual toast for breakfast

are you suppose to be affecting me?...........cuz your not especially by post'n that BS all the time....................sigh..........do you need some type of attention or a hug? let me guess your upset cuz you wasn't loved as a child and neva knew how to express your feelins to the opposite sex so your pretty much turned out gay.............now stop being worsome and fuck off.......

up'n for more feed

put all the fake bull shit aside hell if you buy rap then you buy me just shut up you'
re welcome to post in mine lets face it cats on this site don't know fuck about Hip hop they write fucking cartoons and ignore the realness

homie your on the internet you can only get but so real...........

meh....................ups............

The rhyming and the overall pace and flow of the piece was the best aspect in my opinion. By just reading it, I felt as if I was spitting inside my mind you know. Very fluent pace in the piece.

But besides that you managed to hold it down vocabulary-wise as well, same goes for your imagery. You use vague, poetic images which I definitely like. Emotion is there too but it's not so much of an emotional piece you know but still you added it to it.

Solid stuff

liked the way you wrote this, short but it was on point..
kinda wasnt feelin the last line as much as the rest of the verse
overall decent work for 20 minutes.......

yea............but still............ya kno............i should've added the other verse cuz it was a collab at first