C.S. Crew Collab. Dec. 05'
 

Links incoming asap.

Dope drop Amanda. ;)

For every feedback this thread gets Willa and Myself will RTF together. 1 for 2, cant beat that!

Atticus- o0o0o0o0 your drop was decent, had a good powerful source of Emotion. Nothing much to say here, it was too short. Lol.

Ill Technique- Nice wordplay you got there. Decent imaginary.

NaRc-UzI- Did not know you do Topical as well, but anyways you had a good source of imaginary and the flow was decent. I liked the way you balanced your vocab. It was complex and Direct. Dang you got the longest feed from me at this point, lol.

Mystic- You was all right, you had good source of imaginary in your verse and the vocab was decent. Ok drop on your part.

Chymera aka Atticus- Another drop from you huh? Lol ok this was decent drop and this time you had metaphors which I Liked. The imaginary in your drop was good and very portrait. Keep it up.

Mentalz- Alright now, you had a good verse in the category of Imaginary. Very well portrait but vivid.

Well That’s all the feed I got, But I want ya’ll to know this was a good drop by all of ya’ll the imaginary was decent and Atticus hold onto the Emotion side of this OM and Narc-Uzi Held onto the Imaginary side of this OM. The rest ya’ll was like frontlines in Pawns in Chess, great drop by all of ya’ll.

Mentalz Leave feed on my New OM.Link in sig.

Chymera is Atticus' old account, however the person USING this account right now is NOT Atticus. Therefore we can conclude that they are two seperate peoples at this point. ;)

Thanks for the feed Lola!!! feed inc.

This is Peter Quince from Sixshot.com and RM, I've also got an account on Allpoetry.com. But ya, Atticus gave me this account cuz I was to lazy to create one.

Haha, loon.....

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...399#post2570399
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=216679

i will return feed on every feed we get drop a link to an open mic poem song audio battle anything

uppin..........

Atticus: had nice emotion, content was nice and so was structure, made it for an easy read from where your flow lagged...flow was nice though, mos def an ez read...

fav lines:
Living this drift of a life, just, kissing a knife,
slit by depression...blades lips ripping a site.
Everyday consistence dancing an instant away...
wasting in sorrow, hallow...nothing more than plain.

Ill Technique: coo wordplay, and flow was nice..content was sick, kept my interest, nice even structure as well made it an easy read

fav lines:
And My Last Seconds Set In While I'm Wreckin
Testin My Medication For Hell's Inn, Were I'm Headin
You'd Be As Mad As Me, If You Had The Key
To Open Doors To Have A Life Half As Bad As Me
^sick...feelin the hell's inn

Uzi: more poetic approach, nasty vocab, sick imagery....coo flow....and structure was sick as well

fav lines:
Darkness overlaps the sunshine from portraying its beauty
Harvest changing while obtaing my gem Like a saphire ruby
Heartless ideas are swayed by The swinging of the pendulum
Artist hypnotized by The brightness of the magnified spectrum
Mezmorised by the polygons that are falling on my conscience
^nasty enough said....

Mystic Chaos: like ur other drop, lines are long, but held an abstract flow, nice read had a load of elements in it, just need to up the rhyme scheme a tad... good shit

fav lines:
Time's not a factor, although the movement staggers at each notch.
The speed stops, slowly haulting after day breaks and the moon rises
With new surprises vastly improving on speed just what is needs
It arises to please the company of every living human being
^sick, had a nasty image appeal to it

Chymera: nice poetry approach, felt the content/imagery in this segement, went well with the others....

Fav lines:
wither in there prime, towers down...
The hourglass has now bowed over.
Over and over the past rounds closer.
The last long sands stand to form God;
as his fists twist and become the world's clock.
^loved the hourglass line...went very smoothly with the rest of your segment

MentalZ: vocab was locked down, flow was sick too....good shit

Favlines:
It wreaks from pores, engrossed readily.. steadily swaying
As The Pendulum Swings heavily across the aging painting
Staged the blaming, to denounce the compound rash tactics
So I'm constantly placing aim at the surrounding clash of fanatics
^sickkk....enough said....had the flow, and vocab to relay the topic/metaphor very appropriately


keep the collabs coming...shit was nice
stay up and keep the pens writing
`1

Thanks for the feedback

thanks for the feedback dawg.

Uppin For More Feedback

Thanks For The Feedback Everyone.................Uppin This.
.

lyrics blew me away on this...defitnly good job at lyrics :thumbup:
the topic was ight felt alot of it....i like the knife part on the 2nd dudes verse...the structure is in good condition.. and the flow is dope doesnt go off at all.....overall i'd give this a 7.5/10 :thumbup:

Uppin' the Crew Collab. Will RTF.

Appreciate the feedback. ;)

upppppppppppppppp
i will rtf drop a link to anything

Uppin' for some more feed. Appreciate it and will RTF.

good job...i really liked this

Atticus was really good..short ,simple, andgood

my fav. has 2 b Ill Technique

one bad thing,, y'all sacrificed flow for content alot..sum places didn't rhyme much

fedd back on my poetry piece :)

I Seem To Be Everyone's Favorite, That Pretty Tight, Uppin For Feedback

Kinda short but it was good, i think that emmotion in this one was through the roof

Ill Technique- Good Imagery, and very decent wordplay for you man

NaRc-UzI- Really good flow and i really liked the immagery man. Loved the vocab too man

Mystic- Vocab was decent, so was flow, i really enjoyed the imagery in this drop u did man.

Chymera - Decent drop. Really liked the metaphors in this one adn words used give a very good feel of images (if that makes any sence)

Mentalz- REally good verse. Like the structure, and vocab, along wit the flow it creates.

I think that this was a very good drop by all of you guys, its a great thing to see a big collab, i jsut think that if it was just two people ud have more space for more detailed verses and it would be even hotter, but still.

Could Yall return the favor on my drop in my sig?

Thanks For The Feedback Bro......Uppin For More!

Ayt Since Ur Inbox Is Full Will Appear Ima Drop My Reply Here....
How Is It You Can Close My Shit In Member Mugshots Because Someone Else Started Talking Shit 2 Me?secondly How Is It Every1 On Here Feels Like They Have The Power 2 Change Some1?and Who The Are? I Dont Tell These Knuckle Heads How 2 Do They Own Shit On Here So Who's Right Is It For N E 1 On Here 2 Try N Change Me......you Ignorant People Need 2 Give Up.because Aint Shit You Can Say Or Do Gonna Change Who The Fuck I Know Deep Down Who I Am....im Sick Of The Fucking People On Rv And There Racist Bullshit...i Did Not Have N E Thing 2 Do Wit Blacks In Slavery Yet Every1 On Here Got They Panties Stuck In A Bunch Like Im The Head Clan Member Or Sum Shit.well For The Morons On Here Fucking Information I Despise Racism And Prejudice All Alike...i Hate Dumbass People Who Got Nuttin Better 2 Do Then Call My House Talking Shit...will Appear I Understand It Wasnt You...it Was Sum Pussy Ass Dude From Rv Who Doesnt Got Enough Balls 2 Speak 2 Me Directly Or Even Come 2 My House He Gotta Leave Messages On My Voicemail Liek A Fucking Punk........so What I Say Nigga Regularly?i Aint Meaning No Disrespects 2 N E 1 And Nigga Is A Whole Another Word Apart From The Other N Word So Get Off My Nuts N Quit Trying 2 B God Cuz Aint None Of U Muthafuckas Know Me 4 Shit And None Of U Assholes Have The Rite 2 Judge Me N Who I Am.you Dont Fucking Like Me Who Gives A Fuck This Is The Internet Aint Like We Ever Gonna See Each Other In Real Life So Quit Wasting My Goddamn Time Talking Shit Over Your Keyboards...........bottom Fucking Line Live Your Life Like You Do Yours And Let Me Live Mine The Way I Do Mine....i Dont Who The Fuck I Am....but From The Sounds And Look Of It So Far On This Site No 1 Knows Who They Selves Even Be Seriously Just Get Off My Fucking Nuts And Fuck All Dick Ridaz And Hataz............peace Out.......

The Pendulum Swing


Atticus
Its...nothing, all my fucking emotions fall dry,
eyes lit of fires sit expired to a broken cry.
Living this drift of a life, just, kissing a knife,
slit by depression...blades lips ripping a site.
Everyday consistence dancing an instant away...
wasting in sorrow, hallow...nothing more than plain.
Back and forth teeters the sands last whim,
while the hourglass blackens as the pendulum swings.

homie ya verse was nice in every way jus i suggest u at least next keep everything rhyming..cuz yo las 2 lines dont rhyme...otha tahn dat good verse.

Ill Technique
I'm Held Down Brutaly To Truthfully Meet Gravity
As My Life Is Manifested Into A Gruesom Reality
Placing My Vision Through The Eyes Of A Barrel
For I Cock It Back And Watch The Hollow Tip Settle
And My Last Seconds Set In While I'm Wreckin
Testin My Medication For Hell's Inn, Were I'm Headin
You'd Be As Mad As Me, If You Had The Key
To Open Doors To Have A Life Half As Bad As Me
Cuase I'm With Satan Contemplatin' This Day
And The Other Line Rings, It's God on Two Way
So I'll Make Sure You Hear Me Now As Life Rings
Bring A Sudden Death As The Pendilum Swings

you homie had every thing on point...vocab,flow,structure,u even made sure every line rhmyed wit anotha line good job kool verse peace.

NaRc-UzI
Supplying vivid emotions with every message in my arsenal
Precious moments are rienforced By the almighty powerfull
Darkness overlaps the sunshine from portraying its beauty
Harvest changing while obtaing my gem Like a saphire ruby
Heartless ideas are swayed by The swinging of the pendulum
Artist hypnotized by The brightness of the magnified spectrum
Mezmorised by the polygons that are falling on my conscience
Realized the controlling of life is the cause of all my problems
I feel free like cactus but the changes of life defies my status
Dying alone cause no one could roam through my apparatus
Percived as harmless the way reality keeps my mind hidden
The pendulum swing scrapes a bit of hope wich is forbidden
The Movement swaying straight foward and back it relates
Rythem Vibrates But Change is what it really demonstrates

same thing as the other good verse peace.

Mystic Chaos
Conciously unaware what beholds at my very presence of Commotion
Motion to Notion, swinging with pride, & yet with vengence belaying
Rappidly swaying, Illusively, back and forth like hung cot's..
Time's not a factor, although the movement staggers at each notch.
The speed stops, slowly haulting after day breaks and the moon rises
With new surprises vastly improving on speed just what is needs
It arises to please the company of every living human being
Cant be seeing, now having temtations to quicken the pace
To push the Pendelum faster, the time is against life in the race
Times a disgrace slowly loosing speed and falling off of the face
Of the maps trace, connecting all dots but still the pendelum continues to sway.

same thing again good verse peace.

Chymera
Please...sway away. A majesty aged
under the thunders of tragedies blame.
Wide eyes sustain blunderless paces
left to right, then the shutterless cave in.
Eye lids link together to kiss in a wink's
tether... Letters to the mind find the ink
to edit. Gentle hymns settle just then sing
before, cut short by a pendulums swing.
The wrecking ball falls, its lust dissecting
the wings of all freely seen bisecting
the hours by excepting. Flowers now
wither in there prime, towers down...
The hourglass has now bowed over.
Over and over the past rounds closer.
The last long sands stand to form God;
as his fists twist and become the world's clock.



Mentalz
..Make note the illusive fluid, as it ripples the canvas stanza..
The tangant phantom grandfather's Tic' inriched bananza
..Include the lucid movement, as it performs to the chords..
Of a life torn in judgement, from the peak down to the shores
It wreaks from pores, engrossed readily.. steadily swaying
As The Pendulum Swings heavily across the aging painting
Staged the blaming, to denounce the compound rash tactics
So I'm constantly placing aim at the surrounding clash of fanatics
To bad it's static, only to my eyes can I see the rue movement
Shrewd and prudent, as I inquire higher and choose to prove it
To loose the trueness, my soul subconsciencly adheres the course
As remourse is here to hear resort to something more heavenly
So brevity heads my leveling, stops to contort a life in shambles
Until one by one the candles, remain unlit as they sit in waiting
..Ever changing like my lifes decisions .. forever rearanging..

man fuck it good drop every1 everything on point peace.

figured since i jus used ya'll thread 2 post a reply 2 will appear i might as welll post sum feedback on the song

Thanks bro, appreciate it ;)

But they always save the best for last... and you never read mine. ;-)

Wow, Lol I Didn't Even Think This Was Going To Reach Post. Good Job Everyone, Way To Rep C.S.

thanks for the feedback......................

uppin this...........................one last time!

atticus - dope and vivid as usual, a well concealed and expressed view...short but sweet

Its...nothing, all my fucking emotions fall dry,
eyes lit of fires sit expired to a broken cry.

tech - not bad, not too consistent i thought, and some lines seemed awry for your choice in direction...but none-the-less, it was clear and visual, and a nice addition to this compilation

You'd Be As Mad As Me, If You Had The Key
To Open Doors To Have A Life Half As Bad As Me

narc-uzi - meh, wasn't really feeling yours, only because of your structure...i think you tried waaay to hard to make it perfect, and presentable....really strained some of your lines/rhymes....but not bad, i think if you concentrated more on just writing, if would have been better, keep up

Mezmorised by the polygons that are falling on my conscience
Realized the controlling of life is the cause of all my problems

mystic chaos - i really think you tried to hard to rhyme everything, and actually took away from your piece, because i liked your direction, and the ideas you had.....and your rhyme scheme was fucked, sorry, but this was pretty messy...but overall, i liked what you were saying, just make it a little more concise

Rappidly swaying, Illusively, back and forth like hung cot's..
Time's not a factor, although the movement staggers at each notch

chymera - seriously, i think the best part of this collab...everything was short, yet perfectly established the view, direction and emotion you were expressing, awesome...i can't pick a favourite bar, because i liked the whole thing, well done

mentalz - liked this, it was good, some neat lines, creative, and smart, good multies, and nice closer, keep up

It wreaks from pores, engrossed readily.. steadily swaying
As The Pendulum Swings heavily across the aging painting

keep up to all, nice work

thanks for the feed drakel.....................

Word fam, this piece was dope as fuck.

I think overall, everyone held a certain level of consistency with the theme of the topic, each person tackling the topic their own way. And each person maintaining a balance between complexity with the vocabs, but also making the imagery real good without overflowing it with too many big words. Some people think that a lot of large intellectual words means a piece is good, it only works if you maintain a balance. I was particularly impressed with Narc, I think he delivered a nice verse especially considering I haven't seen anything topical from him. Atticus and Chymera held up a nice level of imagery and complexity with their verses. Mystic at first, his rhyming seemed a little off at first because the style was different to usual styles you see, but after reading it I have to say it worked well and offered a nice change up of things for this piece.

OVERALL: 9/10

upping and seriously alik hop of my clit stupid fucking bitch ur waack no one likes u leave

lol, that's a nice way of tellin him

rtf

done, now uppin for more.....didn't think we would get this much good feedback.

I thought this was nice, real good topic.

i personally like narc's and tech's the best....very good job with vocab and description, each whent on their own way of describing the topic. well done overall