new shit
 

-intro-

yo rv be sleepin or hatin shit wut am i talkin about 20 dicks perform like pussies on this rapsite...who swear this english 101 or sumtin...
ya'll act like ya'll neva seen a wigga before,these niggaz pussies is sore,
as soon as i perform a 2 step in the door,girls throwin me they drawers//
yo look muthafuckas...

-verse1-

im swingin lyrical swords ignitin a lyrical warfare cuz lyrically ive been here,
been there done that,wit my pen,pad and mic prepared 4 this lyrical combat,
true niggaz neva die alone,flash the chrome,put 2 in a bitches dome,
catch me in the prone postition covered wit camoflauge,shoot a bitch up
til he start shiverin and shakin wit a severe hemerage,smoke a pound of weed
a day 2 complete the leverage,a savage beast,str8 from the streets,bringin
that blazin heat,dat boils ya blood on 800 degreez by my ammo's-charge//

im untouchable,unstopable,indisputible,rebel,shovelin dirt ova these bitch made devel's,i contain a essence stonger than ya'lls on all level's, i can care less about winnin battles,i play these fake musicians like that boy did the devil down in georgia wit fiddle's,call me the riddler cuz i keep ya'll guessin wit my riddles,i got an arsenal of weapons while ya'll carry water pistol's,im chewin up competion rite down 2 da gritty gristle's,washin'em down wit they eminem like soda missle's,schoolin niggaz sit down til the bell ring ya dismisal,niggaz talkin bout my mission's impossible,but like tom cruise i prove
anything's possible,and when im done in the booth they gonna have 2 rush the mic 2 the hospital//

i kill shit,spill shit,that real shit,hate it or love it im trill bitch,think this a game bitches but this ain't kill switch,truth is a lot of you niggaz jus fake snitches,jeoulous of a wigga wit "nigga" dreams of goin from rags 2 riches,im vicious,young and reckless,bringin drama like the young and the restless,stick corks in ya lungs leavin ya breathless,fill shells in ya vest,leavin ya chestless,disputed one of the best kid who wanna test this!//

-hook-

i kno wut u did las summer the way my chorus got u on a hook,
wuts wit all ya questions ya'll bitches must b writin a book,
bugged out in my sig and bitches get scared when they look,
pussies got it twisted thinkin sum words will get me shook//

-verse2-

abc to the 123 simple english mathematics,these actors clownin my rhymes,
but im bringin dat drama like cinematics,its tragic,writin balistics,tweakin
they characteristics,rising above the hectic hate,debate my philosiphy,
cuz these hataz aint stoppin me so i blow'em away like i do the smoke from chronic,isn't it ironic,these moronic idiots cant see my diabolical scheme is demonic//

i got it that motivation,of sayin fuck the world while flippin 2 middle fingers 2 this hatin nation,cuz like i said when i first came out...................
the world todays nuttin but a playaz nation,the fuck all the playa hatin,im countin these benjamins,washingtons,and lincolns,wtf u bitches thinkin,we just a bunch of niggaz workin for satan,ima stay smokin and drinkin//

i see ya'll blinkin,put dont close ya eyes,or ya demise,will b set by my rhymes dat hypnotize and control guns w/o touchin them,many came & went,i came and hit the game wit a wrench,thowin a crowbar in the game,watch all these madd rappers isolate my words 2 try 2 disect my flames that burnin these
fake emcees who try every day 2 make a mockery of me,but im cocky g,i'd shoot myself 2 end the whole contraversy,but i dont exist,hataz is pissed cuz i flow through the mist swing wit tidal wave fist n put a bitch in a hearse g,
man fuck this song ya'll bitches cant touch me,faze me or hush me,cuz u bitch str8 long john silvers like hush puppies!!!!!!!!!!//

-hook-

okay now, work on the structure and ill read, cuz for now, im gonna be all messed up

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=220045

here's one link bone collector its the way i write u might not see how u write but i do cuz its a speed rap thats my shit...sorry its a bit long but i had a lot 2 say now please real feedback tell me wut ya'll think n if u a hata dont waste mine or rv's time ty

^ he's right you're sturcture's not hott... makes your lines look very unorganized... and from what I can see it doesn't look like you flow with any kind of cadnace... which means ya flows off... lyrically there really wasn't anything in this that really stands out... you do have inter-connecting rhymes... but no really hard hitting or simple ruthlessly harsh lines... nothing that'll make someone stop and be like damn that was a hot ass bar...

both are right...fix your lines, even if it is a fast rap you need to shorten them up so peeps will read it, i read it and your flow was definately off and your rhyming needs to improve homie......do what we tell you and you'll be better

rtf in a OM or A Battle

you need to post 2 links of feedback, i'll keep this open, but any futher post you make after this must have another link

tahnx for the honesty and for not hating on me i been too much of that cuz of these haters on rv ill hit ya'lls up now

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219964

ayt drakel and bonecollector there's my second link now please can i get some real feed n no bullshit hatin crap 1

lol allik look at the topic i posted in the battle!

andr u ready to be 0-4? :thumbup:

no im nto gettin 0-4 and i already posted the topic and my verse were playin my game my rules not urs bitch ty

k then wtf is the topic? :huh:

shm, when the fuck are u gonna learn that the n word doesnt make u cool :bored:

lol hes a fuckin idiot dude ignore that.

When When U Hatin Retards Realize I Dont Use Nigga/niggaz Cuz I Think Its Kool Goddamn Ya'll Hataz Is A Breed Of Seriously Dumb Muthafuckas!!! Real Feedback No Hate Or Free Postin Bullshit Peace Uppin This Quit Sleepin Rv Its Time 2 Wake Up

well for a dude whos white actin black Ni**a aint a coo word to use man use cracka or some shit dumbfuck.

why don't you make me oh wait u said you'd do dat and yet i gave u the full address but u still sittin behind your pc so do me a favor and stfu bitch i can say wut the fuck i want 2 say when i fuckin wanna say it now stay out my thread if u aint leavin real post and not talkin shit,bullshit and hatin....u wanna hate go 2 the beef threads asshole

c'mon rv fuck these bitch made hataz give me sum honest real feed i'll rtf i already dropped sum lines on like 5-6 of u peeps here in rv uppin this don't sleep peace

First off ur lines are way too long, i had a hard time reading it. Since the lines are too long that means ur flow is off, so the things u trying to tell are gonna come off very choppy. In this nothing really stood out for me. You do have some nice rhymes in this, but i think if u worked on ur structure, then it would come out a lot better. The vocab u used in this was aight, really nothing special tho. But thats all i got to say man, keep working at it tho. Peace.

thanx for the real feed homie i know i be writin my lines too long...i got a lot 2 say and my problem is tryin 2 say it all in 1 rhyme feel me?...can someone help me? instead of all these bitch made hataz just talking shit and someone actually fulfill the whole point of this site? holla back peace

Well your vocab and creativity isnt all that, but that improves with time.

Your main focus right now should be improving your structure and learning not to use unnecessary words... Your lines may look extremely long, but theyre actually not as stretched as people have been saying. Ill show you what I mean using an excerpt from your piece.

"abc to the 123 simple english mathematics,these actors clownin my rhymes,
but im bringin dat drama like cinematics,its tragic,writin balistics,tweakin
they characteristics,rising above the hectic hate,debate my philosiphy,
cuz these hataz aint stoppin me so i blow'em away like i do the smoke from chronic,isn't it ironic,these moronic idiots cant see my diabolical scheme is demonic//"

should be

"abc to the 123, simple english mathematics,
these actors clownin my rhymes, but I bring drama like cinematics,
its tragic, writin balistics, tweakin they characteristics,
here is a flow error. this should be another "istics" rhyme line.
rising above the hectic hate, debate my philosiphy,
need more syllables cuz these hataz aint stoppin me
so i blow'em away like i do the smoke from chronic, isn't it ironic...
these moronic idiots cant see my scheme is demonic"

See how much easier to read that is? And with those flow fixes it flows a lot better too, but its essentially the same shit that you wrote just structured and worded slightly different.

nice lyrical flow but u need a lil work homie but keep doin u an thashit dat u keep yo heart into might turn into somthang big................

wow im amazed that fo one post onemanband that u actually come out to me real thanx for the real feed n same 2 u homie thanx for the reply the unknown(uk) uppin this i got anotha 1 comin soon jus gotta finish the second verse holla uppin

Lol do you not proof reed? Structure is everywhere, try and pick a steady line length... Prefferably one on the shorter side to make the piece flow better. Grammar... *Babbles like an idiot* I'm not even going to get into that. Lets just leave it at, ebonics have no place in textual hip-hop unless the piece is directly about just that. And overall the whole 'Take Over' concept is sooooo over played and you didn't have anything in this to make yours stand out above the rest of the ones that have been done.

hmmm yea allik imma have to agree w/ da rest of 'em on dis one.........structure was WAY off.....it threw da flow off just a tad bit......didnt c very good vocab in dis one.......i think u can do betta than dis...otha than dat dis was an iight piece tho.....keep up da work pa....1

thanx for not continuin the hate alpha and indeph and others indulge in on givin i see ur real...but i know sht was a bit long i still havent perfected sayin wut i got 2 say w/o havin long lines or rhymes ty peace and atticus i ait babblin about shit i was provin i can come wit sumtin nice since the hataz here seem 2 think they the only emcees who got any talent im finshin anotha drop based on mortal kombat:shoalin monks ps2 2 game shit a bit long but structure i think s betta than wut ya'll normally see peace