Dream Life
Wake up at dawn n' breath deep, take in the morning
Fire's cracklin' from the eggs my woman's warming she loves me, n' shes somebody i've known so long Long hair, pretty face.. n' lookin' cute with a kimono on I get up slow, put on my robe while I puff 'dro Loose clothes underneath, cotton belt's tightened up though Gotta bit of a red nose, been sippin' sake here and there Sit and eat my breakfast while wifey does my hair Now, I gotta figure out where im gonna go to chill Fireflies on the lake? maybe my pagoda on the hill? bamboo forest? nah, I'm in the mood for something quicker.. Maybe catchin' carp for dinner in the crystal blue river. I get rockin, so fit I ain't tired so im never stoppin' pass the bridge and the petals droppin from the cherry blossoms Get there but im hungry n' its a little too past noon for brunch Guess i'll sit in a tree and eat some fresh fruit for lunch nice snack for a dude to munch, but now lets do this Hop into the river n' watch the fishes movements Gotta stay damn still, make it so they feel natural Go with the flow of the water... Keep tranquil. The moment comes, quick as a flash, dash, catch a carp throw it onto dry land, but thats just the start No doubt, this acts an art that took time to aquire Caught ten fish, now it's about time to retire. Look up at the sky... Yeah, it's dusk. Walking along the coastline home's a must Strolling along the cliffs with my sack of fish I love doin' this... I'll tell you what magic is? It's seeing the sky lit up, then lookin' below, and seeing sun go down n' make the sea glow Home to my wife now its time to eat, finally... Every night I think: Damn, what a perfect life I lead. |
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http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2731205 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2731206 ------------------------- |
And when did i say i was going to do your hair....lmao jp....nice flow....went real well together....flow was amazing....ah i really liked it....i didnt see anything wrong wif it so....keep up da good work boo....1
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Thanks for the feedback :)
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ok i wanna say thanks for leaving feed on my piece so im returning the favor. and let me say im glad i did. this was a really nice piece. had great imagery. creativity. and flow. structure was good. and just wanna say this was really nice. in total i liked the 2nd part the best. was really good. but at the begining i was thrown off when u said u chik was doing ur hair. i thought u was a thug and smokin the dro' but then i realized u pure chinese shit. lol dunno wut u are but wutever really nice and keep up the good work homeboy. holla for a collab.
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Im caucasian -_-
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Yo Tera, Long time man!
Nice shit bro... haven't read anything from you in ages man this was nice and refreshing, chilled vibe man i like your laid back style. I can see how you've pretty much got a writing style down pat, you seem really comfortable and elevated from a lot of the others here man. I think the difference is that your a 'real' emcee. It's about fuckn time for a dopium collab with You, Nos and me, dont u think. would be fuckn dope. T it up. Dont b a stranger |
ya braw i liked this piece really got me hooked i don't know what it was though but i liked it keep up the good work and elevate a little mad potential hey if you can take a looke at true feelings of a loving man
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good structure made for nice flow and a good read. i think it's nice to finally see some pieces on here that don't always end in tragedy or use the word 'soul' in it. i liked it, lacked some originality but it was a nice read throughout..
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227884 |
Quote:
LIAR! Your chinese. |
I've posted pics though.
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Lol flow is nice and easy to read, multi's were pretty good...overall i really like this piece because its good balance..lol has the slighttest emotion and i really like it... all i gotta say is you can still improve on the flow even though it was damn near perfect here, plus a little more Complexity in General and it will be perfect..but for what it is, and in my opinion on what you wanted it to be (which i dont know for shure) but its good...lol..
out |
damn. that was dope. i fuckin saw everything you said omb. i miss topicals. hehe. i used to be semi-dope at em ;).
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Man wtf... you are ill, but pretty dissapeared lmao.
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this was a hot piece
i enjoyed readin it good flow and structure keep it up |
That was a suprisingly cool piece. And I mean that as in, at first it didn't seem like it was going to be much...the lack of multies AT THE TIME...seemed like a nice effort to not distract from your piece...but i see you were just up to your tricks...as it went on, the multies started flowing in real smooth like...which is interesting in itself, because it added to the imagery of the piece as a whole. It just added to an already smooth vibe. It was a pretty cool piece though. Just a good, solid, honest, piece. By honest I mean, you don't have to resort to trickery to get people hooked into reading it like me.
I wasn't overly impressed with any of the technical aspects really, word choice was rather simple....i would have liked to a cleaner rhyme scheme...in the first verse you would rhyme the last few words in one bar...and than the next, maybe only a few syllables.... I would go into metaphors, and things like that...but the truth is...this was a very simple piece..and my guess is, that is intentional....sometimes the best way to say what you feel, is to just say it....metaphors are not always the most effective way to explain intangibles all in all..like i said...i liked the peace...however...it's better than most of the other cats that post in the om now days...but...let's be honest...is this your finest display of writing? haha...im just givin you shit man...good drop. |
Yo I Liked This Hott Piece, Flow Was Good, Nice Multies In The End, OverAll Good Drop
Yo Please Feed My Battle: http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=243388 |
had a great flow, which made it that much more enjoyable to read.. had a upbeat, positive swing to it, get a catchy chorus, it'd be a chill-out song... fun read, drop more stuff omb
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real nice man.....it was real smooth when reading....creative to....keep it up..~1~
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