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Cremation Of Souls
Cremation of Souls Silent Pakaveli As fear is looked dear, straight in the eye animosity builds with strides of carelessness that collides taunting breeding, Hurtful feelings good-bye Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies seeking of a reason for these unanswered questions Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection Battered dimension, trampled in digression She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection. She rises to fall, crumbles to crawl The grip of Satan chokes with such a vice grip, she see's none at all The ocean settles crash, with a deceiving splash For she hopes for one day to be free as the waves, free at last Viewed as a failure, treated like a slave The world of world war 2 relives, She only runs to live in her own grave Her fragile fingers brush against the sands hold Carried to her own palace of freedom, not as a life but as a cremated soul “A cremated soul is a soul in peace” The sapling that had thrust away the branches of care That had snared the very essence of despair Stared now at the outspread allegory of love The pin pointed needles that stained the dove Gloves made from quintessences of Satan Drove wild boars in communities of Haitians Quailed minds that had married love now laughed As the alienated brethren further expired and starved The lone sauntering shadow of a man who once breathed Sheathed the charmed blade and then it grieved Grieved at the state of the place that was once in grace The place that now resembles a form laced by mace Hindered to form beauty into a harrowing scene The body oozes the flesh at the cremation of its being http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=212644 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=229655 |
A colab well done, lookin good i say
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yup...waiting for some feed now...so lets go RV heads
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so dis was pretty koo fam, i t was a lil poetry for me but it was koo no doubt, it had sum good deep shit at times
return da favor on my new open mic, rise to power |
i will RTF if you leave proper feed.......
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real feed?
wat r u talk'n bout fam? |
detail it man if your gonna leave feed like that then il RTF just like that ill Copy and paste it.
you didnt even read it i bet? |
yo, wat do u want mi nigga, i read it n it was koo, wat u want me to quote sum shit from it?
take it or leave it damn, it aint even a big deal fam |
its whatever my dude...you just left feed just to drop a new OM..LOL!......
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blah blah blah upping this damn this sites low..
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First good piece I have seen in Open Mic. Flowed smoothly from both. Excellent structure. Really nice read with some decent metas. I thought it was really abstract... more story telling needs to go into it...... also i thought you could have done a better job linking each other's verses..... But nonetheless, a really nice and smooth read from a couple of talented writers. See you next week in PT ;).
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=231636 |
I'll cehck up your link soon and preciate the comments thanks
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word PAKA get at me my dude...and thanks I AM WILL GET AT YOUR LINK LATER..
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this is good shit
i enjoyed both pieces equally both are equipped with nice vocabulary and good imagery overall sweet piece keep it up |
word thanks fam for the feed....nice to see you back in the game
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Look I'm Surprised At The Poetry Lovers This Was Poetry I Will Repeat This Was Poetry Hey Atticus Needs This Kind Of Stuff But I Don't Think He Has Sense Enough To Appreciate This (it Flowed With No Particualar Attitude) Big Words That Rap Don't Need
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thanks dude even though i didnt even understand what the hell you were sayin
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rap is in first person the writer actually participating and has a attitude listen to this i'll change a little
appear to be shook and surprised as fear looked into my eyes the velocity and thrill caused animosity to bulid even in skies stride down streets collide with clown i defeat to turn the tides haunt creeds and taunt breeds hurt feeling alert by revealing the decadent plateau, with emancipated fears and squealing my plan has devastated years of feelings and got cat kneeling As fear is looked dear, straight in the eye animosity builds with strides of carelessness that collides taunting breeding, Hurtful feelings good-bye Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies |
hey peep this please (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=231559)
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No one understands what he says
... It's best to just ignore it. |
he's a retarded version of maddrapper...
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See by putting an S at then end of collidies you sentence won't make sense yet if you take it awya your rhymescheme would be diminished. Basicall,y next time you give an example do it right. |
THE BOTTOM VERSSE IS HIS VERSE MY VERSE IS THE TOP ONE SO i'LL SAY WELL DONE FOR MYSELF BUT ITS RAP VS POETRY THE DIFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO
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dope shit fam. :thumbup:
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WEll thansk for the constructive criticsm. |
Both come well nice, was feeling Tims verse, seemed more complex and
abstract,.. just a really good read. Both verses flowed really well nice use of vocab and good grammer. Dope I would like to colab with both of you if your down. Two bars that I liked,.. were.. Battered dimension, trampled in digression She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection ^^^Dopeness^^^ really liked this... Gloves made from quintessences of Satan Drove wild boars in communities of Haitians ^^^this was just dope flow !!! liked it. Stay up both ~ |
thanks FAM and tornado...look RAP iis for txt battlers so stick to it if i wanted to flow i wouldnt put much emotino into it now this is more poetry?!...if so my whyme scheme would be diffrent and poetry doesnt need to rhyme does any of the words rhyme at teh end?!..YES poetry doesnt need to so NO this aint a poetic piece so please leave and thanks for cloggig the thread.
understabd this topical..has its own version of writing with flow and consistancy. poetry is like a mystery to one's eye... so your not comparing RAP vs. POETRY. thanks critic my dude! im down just fill me in on the topics |
RAp is a subsiduary of poetry.
. . Critic if ya wanna colab, holla at silent and discuss the topic and verse line amount hen silent will tell me and we'll get it rollin' |
yeah got a lot of cats think they know it all to me poetry that don't rhyme is only effective writing now break that one down tell me the difference between the two
and like i said about rap and poetry still stands until proven wrong now stop clogging the board trying say i don't know what I'm talking about because I do |
drop the subject
ok uppin this.... |
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That eneds it cause i always rhyme my words. |
Very nice. Good to see people still dropping nice open mics. Flow, structure, and lyrics were on point the whole way threw the piece. Lookin forward to more.
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