Mind Theory (warning, is very long)
 

No, it doesnt have anything to do with a member on this board who goes by the same name "Mind Theory".... this is very long, its about how I cant seem to understand myself and my life... ive been going through heaps of shit at the moment... and i dont know what i think, how i feel, or what i should do... this is just to represent how fucked up i am right now.... my first open mic:

A bottle about to bust from pressure build-up
I've concealed enough, it's time to put my trust
In my choice to use this as my voice of expression
An oppresive proffession, fit to release aggression
I have to make a confession, when your in my presence
It's all an fake act or con, pain is my true essence
And that pain is derived from strain in my life
That is delivered every night, but I didn't subscribe
To this mag of sorrow, this newspaper of strife
This hollow crater-like life I live through each night
I'm trapped in a physchological jail with no way out
Strapped to the electric chair, can't afford the bail pay-out
It's like a disease in the medula oblongata
Gotta fit the piece~es to conquer this karma
This path that seems to have been built for me to tread
Along like a blind man with a quilt, seekin' bread
Speakin' nonsense, with a never-changin' destiny
Of battlin' with his conscience, what's left of me
Isn't enough to feed, a deprived pack of wolves
You'll see the Apostles revived before my glass is half full
I'm baffled, did some fuckin' unknown power choose me
To push me around like a caged mammal and abuse me?
And use me as a tractor to pick up all the world's dirt
And then dump it all on me quick thinkin' it won't hurt?
I'm on the edge, like my fuckin' body's nerves just spread
Outta my arms and legs to flow up to my burstin' head
To build up there and rise like a loaf of nervous bread
5 min~utes before it's toasted in a hot oven temp
Somethin's there, slowly growin', becomin' stronger
Mowin' out my normality, each day rerunnin' longer
I'm cursed, if I need to see the light and know thyself
I'll thirst for this knowledge so much I might swa~llow myself
What is this force, does it have a general name?
Mythical like the Norse, no visible physical shape
Is it too late, for me to endure and sustain
This new rate of mental and bodily decay?
I have to take myself on a discovery expedition
Another adventure for you to comfortably listen
To, the first trip, I've decided to make it written
But it's also the worst bit of my deranged existence
I engage in visions of pitiful catastrophe
Of my life tragically endin' in sinful blasphemy
What dragon's breathe, I motherfuckin' spit to describe
A fucked image of life, there's fire in my eyes
Nothin's goin' right, it's all in ruins and rubble
Nothin' is clear, my life is just brewin' trouble
Inside of my head, eternal torture is my mind theory
Why can't I feel death if fire is all my eyes can see?

any feedback is appreciated, but it doesnt matter... this was my heart and soul expressing sheer pain and confusion... i had to release it some way...

sorry, i just read the rules and forgot to put in the 3 open mics i replied to... here they are:

LM - Mom I'm Sorry
LM - Just Me And A Mic
MonStar - Off To Hell We Go (Psy-cho)

sorry once more

danm u know wut jumped most out dat verse VOCABULARY...i thought u placed all ur werds right. Ill-ass verse, seriously 10/10 i think dats been one of da illest Open-mics

yeah this was a nice piece (even though it was long as hell.....lol).........u had some very nice vocabulary and some good wordplay...........

good drop 9/10

holla

^ thanks guys, all support and feedback is appreciated....... upping........

Very nice vocab, very nice flow, try to make it a little mroe deep, extend the lines a bit more. I mean people say really short lines are cool, but they don't flow as good, to me at least. None the less a very good verse, 8/10.

ty, ill take that advice into context for the next open mic i write.......... upping

up

up

up

This was really good....it was long but it was good....it flowed real nice through out it, didnt really get off much....vocab was real nice, couldnt go wrong with that....Structured it nicely....your wordplay was pretty nice in this....overall it was a good piece, worth the read i felt...keep at it...and keep dropping.

^ thanks, always helps to hear replies like that..... peace

up

up

up

yo dawg nyce shit. 1 ov da best verses i hav seen on Open Mic. I'll give it a 5/5

aight Peace (v)

This was a great peice....Ill wordlplay..ill multies....and the best bit was the flow......The flow stayed constant throughout the peice and it was a dope peice....great vocab the whole shit was dope....

9.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999/10

^ thanks guys, you dont know how it feels to have ur work appreciated like this... thanks for all the comments...

up

up

up

upping

up

damn at the longness....u wasnt' shitting lol....

nice piece though...not just cuz it's a deep piece...I mean I see those all the time and write them all the time, and I know a lot of kats will blow smoke up ur ass if they read a deep topic they feel bad if they say it's wack....I'm not one of those people...

but seriously this was dope...I actually read the whole thing (which I wasn't planning on doing) u expressed the shit in a really poetic and metaphoric way....u had nice vocabulary and rhymes were pretty nice too...flow was on point..my only problem is that you were a little too vague at some parts and it was hard to feel the true purpose of the piece...since it was u letting ur heart out it seemed like u was keeping the real problems out of the reader's view....which is good to a certain extent...

overall this was good though...please don't take offense to any of my crit/advice cuz all I'm tryna do is give honest feelings instead of bullshit ones that won't help u....

peace

^ no way would i take offence.... as i said "all feedback is appreciated" and it makes me feel good that ppl like my stuff... so thanks.... and on the topic of the vagueness... when/if i get some audio equipment, im going to record a short mixtape/album... and this will be the first track... so its kinda an intro to myself... the other songs will reveal more of me and my personality... thanks for all the feedback

^ yea I was gonna say u should record it but I didn't think u had audio capability....well if u ever do get it recorded and u can get it online or something PM me n let me hear it...

peace

NICE PIECE I ENJOYED READIN IT KEEP AT IT DAWG 1

I enjoyed this piece thoroughly
Your strength is the passion and the truth behind the words
Your weakness is that it was text, I'd love to hear that shit audio
All in all it was a great piece, Thumbs up for the first open mic!

thanks........ all the feedback is appreciated................ keep it coming...........

up

up

up

up

dope piece dude this was really good and like others have said great vocab but ya real good piece

hit this up w/ an honest vote
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=90745

up

I like it, the flow and vocab was nice......
and a nice thought out idea...
A good read....thx

7/10

Pz

ty.......................... up

up

Let it go. You've got a lot of replies.