My Worlds Collide
 

i sit back and i bleed/
all ma enemys feed/
on ma innocence loyality there triana get to me/
they dont even know the mistakes ive made/
the price ive payed/
ova such a short time/
my rules will be obeyed/
weve heard the great speeches/
weve heard the great teachers/
from ghandi to king/
we stand up and sing/
but im back to attack/
and now my rhymes dont lack/
i was thrown in the deep end and out goes the tide/
here we goe my worlds collide/

haters be hatin i got no beleivers/
quote nas hip hop is dead look at all the grievers/
but i wont die not now not ever/
im hip hops worst nightmare and im here for evere/
ull never emit j - hope u like the word play/
in ur head ma rhymes will relay/
im here to stay/
as i let out a sigh i say j-time wont die

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=239476
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3146110

It's really not that great. Very simple rhyme scheme, nothing too interesting to speak of. Trotting out run-of-the-mill MLK and Ghandi references, but not even running with 'em. I can't imagine how it'd sound in my head, even; a lot of the times, the lines don't run clean.

Needs a lot of work.

I THINK,THE FLOWS IS ALRIGHT BUT IS OFF BEAT AND
COULD USE SPELL CHECK,LOL BUT I STILL LIKE HOW U PUT IT OUT THERE http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=240235

ok u skiped some places where there should have been a ryhme but there wasnt instead it rhymed with another word that was like 2 bars away... some didnt make sense unless u said it fast.... rhyming is BASIC preskool stuff here... i feel ur just starting but i know u can do a LOT better then this.... really... no real story behind this pice just u saying a bunch of stuff that was irrelevant... step ur game up... read some of the other pieces and see how they mostly all follow a story... or a schem... or a time line... or make a point or something....thats what u need to do... check out some other pieces and look at some old rhymes like the book of life by red bull and Dr. stuff like that....

pce fams. and keep it droping.....
P.s. keep ur head up... i aint dissin on this... it was ehhh... not great.. but atleast it wasnt like my first piece...

shit is nice to me
i spit it after i read it and i can pretty much tell tha type of tone a scheme of flow u was goin after. prolly a few touch ups before u think bout puttin it on record or sumthin but other than that its basic and sumtimes u need basic shit for slow muthafuckas. nice drop tho and keep doin u folk

sniff sniff

Yeah.... On A Text Standing Point This Has No Credibility..... On The Mic You Can Bust Those Short Lines Tho............... I Tihnk You Need To Be Headed In A Direction With A Topic/theme/whatever... Or Develop A General Style And Just Gain Yaself A Little Experience........ U Cant Get Worse

I dont even think this would make a good audio drop. no dis but you really need to work on your vocabulary and ditch the basic rhyme scheme. im not trying to make you conform to everyone else on the internet, but as long as you continue to make simple drops without an ounce of creativness, youll only continue to get feedback like mine and the ones above.

the flows there but not really the imagery and the vocabs i see what you was tryin to do but overall it just had flow and sometimes that can win a whole thing for you but not all the time so i advice you on your next piece to write somethin from the heart or that has imagery in it.....stay up....~1~.......