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"Better Off Dead"
...Hopelessness Reaching Me...
...I Am A Burden Among Everybody... ...Family... ...Friends... ...And Even The One I Love... I sit outside the house...I light my cigarette... Lips so dry they're wet...So cold...but I sweat... The realization of it...it's somewhat...relieving... So much lying, decieving, I wish I could stop breathing... I've stopped believing...In any hope in life at all... I stop, I stall, I crawl...Inside a cry, I die, I begin to fall... "Lord...if this was a test...forgive me I have failed... No need for details...I'm just so sad over a female... I am in the way...I am holdin' her back from happiness... I don't know my own destiny............could that be this..? Lord, I know I am a burden...and not just to my love... The things I've done...I don't deserve to have 'the One'... If anybody was the one...I know that it would be her... I know I am better off dead...because that's what I deserve..." http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=183844 |
Fuckin' sleepers....uppin' for some feedback.
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yo kinda short but flowed perfect and very emotional i like it was actually worth reading yo keep it up...7/10 probably more if it was longer...peace.....
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A'ight thanks...uppin'...favors will be returned.
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Alright Good on the imaginary, Emotion is good, but upp your vocab a little bit and upp your imaginary. But i rate this a.............7/10. Just need some more emotion and imaginary
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Uppin' for some more feed on this.....
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Dope Piece Man, You Had Some Good Vocabulary Here Which Was Dope, You Also Had A Good Case Of Structure Which I Felt Was Decent, You Had Some Good Emotion In Here Man This Sounds Real is It Real?? Well This Piece Was Dope Man Weerd, 9/10 Keep Em' Coming |
Yes this is real...true story.
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Weerd? Damn Man!.............
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Short piece, but the delivery was surprisingly good, i like your vocabulary and you packed alot of emotion into this piece. It flowed well too, my favourite line is...
If anybody was the one...I know that it would be her... I know I am better off dead...because that's what I deserve..." That right there, is a powerful closer. Gets you thinking. Good job on this though, 7/10. RTF in my sig. |
Pretty short I know how ya feel I've got a verse thats about this sort of thing but i think it would get a bit more controversy than I'd wanna draw to my self and my structures fucked on it. You've got a good as vocab pretty good emotion too i'd give it 8/10. You can add me to msn if you wanna talk bout this shit.
Can you plz vote on the battle I had with lawless |
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