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"Failure to Launch"
Verse 1 -Damn this is really bad time'n to get kicked out- -I just got back wit my ex and now you talk'n move'n out- -All of a sudden I gotta get my lazy ass a job?- -This shit must have something to do with Rob- -Step Dad my ass, He can step his ass.......... ..........right outta my life and yours too- -Cuz all he does is annoy me and fuck you- -I dont really know what to say......this is all so sudden- -I new I shouldve taken that advice from my cousin- -I'm 19 and live at home with my mom- -Never listened in school, probly cuz the weed had me gone- -But fuck it, its time for me to grow up- -Even though one of these days Im'a blow up......... Hook Mom's told me to grow up I told her I'ma blow up Either way im still a failure to launch Verse 2 -Now that I think about it, my life isnt that bad- -Even though its been a while since I've had........ ...........Some new kicks, but fuck it I could really care less- -Honesty is best so I'm show'n my bare chest- -I spent the last few years either on the couch or on the phone- -Talk'n to telemarketers to keep me from feeling alone- -Maybe I did'nt bone..........but I got a sweet deal on my mortage loan- -Mom stop trip'n I'm a get outta here soon.......... ............Right after I clean my room- -Said "I know talk is cheap but I swear I'ma make it happen"- -Then I grabbed my headset and started play'n Madden- -Listen'n to Hip-Hop all day and I know its a shame....... .......that it took Jayceon Taylor to show me life isnt a Game- -Put my rap career on hold so I can pay these bills and stay home- -Maybe if I play my cards right I can even get some dome- -But fuck it, its time for me to grow up- -Even though one of these days Im'a blow up......... |
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wasnt really feeling this one,rhyme sceme was to simple and the story didnt draw me in didnt feel like what you were talking about was worth making a song about....
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Uppin.............
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You honestly could have done a lot better. Its a played concept you put a nice twist on it just elaborate on it and tighten it up. Cut some words out and replace some with more complex ones. My favorite line was the "didn't bone/ mortge loan" that was pretty funny. I really dig you relating you not blowing up to failure to launch pretty cool concept. Make it a 16 8 16 format and tighten it up.
Keep dropping and return the favor on my OM link in sig |
You didn't stick to a single... subject for me..
You went from anger at step dad.. to playing madden.. to rap.. all out of nowhere. This and the simple rhyme scheme make it feel like a commercial rap song. Hell, maybe it'd catch on there if you revamped the lyrics and honed the focus of the song. Keep writing and get better |
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