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•Para¶el• vs MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ
Battle Rules:
16-30 lines Topical: Into The Mind of Another No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting check in right away and you got 3 days after checking in to drop...pz Minimum posts to vote: 750 Check in by: 01-26-05 at 11:40 PM Must drop verse in 4400 minutes after check in. Closed... old / expired battle |
•Para¶el• has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-26-05 11:11 PM.
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MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-26-05 11:13 PM.
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alright jsut a quick little thing i wrote but here yall go...
only vote if you understand it cuz i improved my metaphores here so look carefully..: ____________________________ Into The Mind of Another.. A type of slavery, maybe I might just not be in Control And you’ll be steppin down cause I wont hurt a Soul Go ahead and say you’ve been sick of hearing my Name Cause no matter what ill show you real love or Shame Discussing it isn’t even the matter in this matter of Time Either way I got control over you, on any type of Line You fell off course, only reason that was cause of Me I can see in your brain that you might have a Disability To tell you what the doctor mentioned, is only Wrong Playing with your head is not a game, but is a Song The words that have came from others is Tempting But only works cause its one thing, witch is Upsetting I didn’t mean to scare, only to make you feel Magnificent But it went the other way and I didn’t get the Hint No one can guarantee shit, so don’t bother asking Me All the talent in you and me, goes together like Pottery We Mixed so well and still you didn’t understand Anything And soon I will notice, to you nothing can be Entertaining Are Brains usto mix but now, I see nothing as Positive Now your soul leaves, cause everything was so Negative.. |
Deadzone is a show, thats it's about a man with special powers, he touches a person and he knows whats going to happen and whas happened before. Into the mind of another…………………………. I touch this women, this what I saw- FLASHES On the earth trying to get a gulp of air, while on the floor, screaming The pains this man is delivering,, heaven has no sense of hearing Her screams. Pain turn into multiple wounds, like a banana peeling Off. Just like doing the opposite, this women, feels that her fate is sealing Her son is looking on this obnoxious beating knowing he cant do nothing Too small, but he seen in excess of this abusive, time to do something. He runs into his mom’s small pink room, started looking in the drawer Found the “conclusion” of all problems. Walked back to face the monster He pointed the “piece” feeling nervous. A pop sound graze through his ear The monster body drops. He ran to his mother, held her close, “no more fear” FLAHESS BACK Touches this boy this what I saw- FLASHES The kid shaking energetically in his closet. Like full of rain, he was soaked in sweat Hand over his mouth, holding his breath. Staying still, hoping the boogey man don’t detect Motion. He’d smelled the little kid stench, as he moved closer to the door, the kid gets timid The man opens the door, he puts his hands on the boy pants and started rupturing it Kid was struggling for freedom, but the man was like “Arnold” he was to strong He laid the kid on his stomach, like a baby the kid was crawling. Like a thong He felt a tug in his butt, kid was screaming, like a poor glass, his lungs was about to break Every time he felt that “push” his face turns red, feeling so useless. His tears starts to escape From the depth of his eyes. Ever since the mother died, the man had no pleasure in his life The kid feels his life as turned. Not a birthed son no more, he’s the second wife FLASHES BACK |
This was feedback posted for MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ
peepin polls.......... but nice drop i like how u connect ya lines and complete your thought onto the next line.. best lines were:
The kid shaking energetically in his closet. Like full of rain, he was soaked in sweat Hand over his mouth, holding his breath. Staying still, hoping the boogey man don’t detect Motion. He’d smelled the little kid stench, as he moved closer to the door, the kid gets timid The man opens the door, he puts his hands on the boy pants and started rupturing it Parallel u have elevated from last i saw ur topical battles.. Go ahead and say you’ve been sick of hearing my Name Cause no matter what ill show you real love or Shame Discussing it isn’t even the matter in this matter of Time Either way I got control over you, on any type of Line ^ur best lines.... nice battle overall stay up kiddies.. :) |
Alright Thanks for the feedback Lady, cool uppin for some votes holla.
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alright uppin...once more for some votes......holla at cha boi........chea
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hmm.....i wonder...i personly think i got this one.....i hope you dont go and d/r....i hope i can trust you..but anyway uppin
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^^^^^^^^^^^^ Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa D/r You Dont Want To Go There Period......
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This was feedback posted for MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ
your topical wa spoorly woreded..you gotta let the story develop...you wa sjust jumping from scene to scene without painting a picture of whats going on...an u was using simile's( the like arnold & all dat stuff) as if this was a battle..its not a battle u suppose to be telling the story..those similies broke the flow of the story an killed any chance of your flashbacks making complete sense...but despite its flaws it wasn't all bad...had nice flow, decent vocab, an fair structure
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Damn triple-N........thanks for the feedback i feel ya homie... You told me that last week on aim.........
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Bump this up.........uppin for some votes.................chea
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Again bump this shit up.........uppin for some votes...leave links.....i'll at them.
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lets get some votes...............................i agree with triple...you dont use similies liek that in a topical....thats dumb..but yea uppin
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