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View Poll Results: Who won this battle?
MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ 0 0%
•Para¶el• 0 0%
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Old 01-26-05, 11:10 PM   #1
Parallel
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•Para¶el• vs MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ

IP: 5043 32F4

Battle Rules:

16-30 lines
Topical: Into The Mind of Another
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

check in right away and you got 3 days after checking in to drop...pz

Minimum posts to vote: 750

Check in by: 01-26-05 at 11:40 PM

Must drop verse in 4400 minutes after check in.

Closed... old / expired battle
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Old 01-26-05, 11:11 PM   #2
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•Para¶el• has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-26-05 11:11 PM.
 
Old 01-26-05, 11:13 PM   #3
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MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-26-05 11:13 PM.
 
Old 01-27-05, 09:02 PM   #4
Parallel
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alright jsut a quick little thing i wrote but here yall go...
only vote if you understand it cuz i improved my metaphores here so look carefully..:
____________________________

Into The Mind of Another..
A type of slavery, maybe I might just not be in Control
And you’ll be steppin down cause I wont hurt a Soul
Go ahead and say you’ve been sick of hearing my Name
Cause no matter what ill show you real love or Shame
Discussing it isn’t even the matter in this matter of Time
Either way I got control over you, on any type of Line
You fell off course, only reason that was cause of Me
I can see in your brain that you might have a Disability
To tell you what the doctor mentioned, is only Wrong
Playing with your head is not a game, but is a Song
The words that have came from others is Tempting
But only works cause its one thing, witch is Upsetting
I didn’t mean to scare, only to make you feel Magnificent
But it went the other way and I didn’t get the Hint
No one can guarantee shit, so don’t bother asking Me
All the talent in you and me, goes together like Pottery
We Mixed so well and still you didn’t understand Anything
And soon I will notice, to you nothing can be Entertaining
Are Brains usto mix but now, I see nothing as Positive
Now your soul leaves, cause everything was so Negative..
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Old 01-28-05, 05:19 PM   #5
....Gone....
I walk & walk over you
 
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Deadzone is a show, thats it's about a man with special powers, he touches a person and he knows whats going to happen and whas happened before.


Into the mind of another………………………….




I touch this women, this what I saw-

FLASHES


On the earth trying to get a gulp of air, while on the floor, screaming
The pains this man is delivering,, heaven has no sense of hearing
Her screams. Pain turn into multiple wounds, like a banana peeling
Off. Just like doing the opposite, this women, feels that her fate is sealing
Her son is looking on this obnoxious beating knowing he cant do nothing
Too small, but he seen in excess of this abusive, time to do something.
He runs into his mom’s small pink room, started looking in the drawer
Found the “conclusion” of all problems. Walked back to face the monster
He pointed the “piece” feeling nervous. A pop sound graze through his ear
The monster body drops. He ran to his mother, held her close, “no more fear”


FLAHESS BACK


Touches this boy this what I saw-

FLASHES

The kid shaking energetically in his closet. Like full of rain, he was soaked in sweat
Hand over his mouth, holding his breath. Staying still, hoping the boogey man don’t detect
Motion. He’d smelled the little kid stench, as he moved closer to the door, the kid gets timid
The man opens the door, he puts his hands on the boy pants and started rupturing it
Kid was struggling for freedom, but the man was like “Arnold” he was to strong
He laid the kid on his stomach, like a baby the kid was crawling. Like a thong
He felt a tug in his butt, kid was screaming, like a poor glass, his lungs was about to break
Every time he felt that “push” his face turns red, feeling so useless. His tears starts to escape
From the depth of his eyes. Ever since the mother died, the man had no pleasure in his life
The kid feels his life as turned. Not a birthed son no more, he’s the second wife

FLASHES BACK




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Old 01-28-05, 05:51 PM   #6
~Lady Fiya~
~*Duchess of Metaphors*~
 
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This was feedback posted for MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ

IP: 34D2 D886

peepin polls.......... but nice drop i like how u connect ya lines and complete your thought onto the next line.. best lines were:
The kid shaking energetically in his closet. Like full of rain, he was soaked in sweat
Hand over his mouth, holding his breath. Staying still, hoping the boogey man don’t detect
Motion. He’d smelled the little kid stench, as he moved closer to the door, the kid gets timid
The man opens the door, he puts his hands on the boy pants and started rupturing it

Parallel u have elevated from last i saw ur topical battles..
Go ahead and say you’ve been sick of hearing my Name
Cause no matter what ill show you real love or Shame
Discussing it isn’t even the matter in this matter of Time
Either way I got control over you, on any type of Line
^ur best lines.... nice battle overall stay up kiddies..
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Old 01-28-05, 05:54 PM   #7
....Gone....
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Alright Thanks for the feedback Lady, cool uppin for some votes holla.
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Old 01-28-05, 07:02 PM   #8
....Gone....
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alright uppin...once more for some votes......holla at cha boi........chea
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Old 01-28-05, 07:57 PM   #9
Parallel
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hmm.....i wonder...i personly think i got this one.....i hope you dont go and d/r....i hope i can trust you..but anyway uppin
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Old 01-28-05, 10:51 PM   #10
....Gone....
I walk & walk over you
 
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^^^^^^^^^^^^ Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa D/r You Dont Want To Go There Period......
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Old 01-29-05, 12:02 AM   #11
Triple_N
Ya mom massages my nuts
 
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This was feedback posted for MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ

IP: 36C3 7C54

your topical wa spoorly woreded..you gotta let the story develop...you wa sjust jumping from scene to scene without painting a picture of whats going on...an u was using simile's( the like arnold & all dat stuff) as if this was a battle..its not a battle u suppose to be telling the story..those similies broke the flow of the story an killed any chance of your flashbacks making complete sense...but despite its flaws it wasn't all bad...had nice flow, decent vocab, an fair structure
__________________
Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice
Because at the end of the day, you get what you give
So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is
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Old 01-29-05, 12:05 AM   #12
....Gone....
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Damn triple-N........thanks for the feedback i feel ya homie... You told me that last week on aim.........
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Old 01-29-05, 01:44 AM   #13
....Gone....
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Bump this up.........uppin for some votes.................chea
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Old 01-29-05, 11:04 AM   #14
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Again bump this shit up.........uppin for some votes...leave links.....i'll at them.
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Old 01-29-05, 12:30 PM   #15
Parallel
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lets get some votes...............................i agree with triple...you dont use similies liek that in a topical....thats dumb..but yea uppin
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