My First Rhyme, Plz Advice and Comment,
 

Get ready for a beat, koz its time u face da ultimate elite,
So get your little candy ass ready for a sticky white treat,
Now you facin me and u feelin da trepidition,
surrender now kid or escalate the situation,
unlike you assclown......24/7 masturbation isnt my notion,
i've got real bitchis & u stil dealin with puberty stagnation?
Your Rhymes are makin rap look like crap,
dont even try me, u'r a mouse inside da trap,
Why you tryn to hide that you had a pre-mature birth,
even dat wasa mistake, u wer'nt even meant for da earth,
My word Siege has already made you extentuated,
Lemme finsh dis off by u gettin expurgated.


I had another one, but I think i lost it somewhere :/, I'll find it and post, any suggestions or advice?? Do you guys think I'm ready for Front Lines yet?

Thanks for Reading,

Have a good day and a very good night ;)

Post this in Open Mic. You'll get comments there.

This was ok.....structure could be fixed up a bit though i think, just try to keep the lines around the same length....probably should try to work on better content...also try working on some multies....you had some alright vocab....but keep at it.

Good vocab...Structure was alright... flow could use a lil work... but yeah keep writin n u'll elevate .. keep it up