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The Drama of Infinite Hearts
The Drama of Infinite Hearts Simply behold that covering shell of flesh like the finest gold Olive esoteric eyes silently speak of many stories left untold Such a perfect mold with her luscious lips as forbidden fruits Yet the sadistic scars reveal the drama of her chosen routes Even beyond this rotten spot, she still seeks her stolen soul To make her whole as she was ferociously forced into a role She no longer plays, now locked up inside this gilded cage Before she turns that page, her heart needs to free its rage In the vague hour of gloom she rapidly raises from her tomb As she fiercely hunts down he who caused this dark doom Crying out to those buried infinite hearts to fight by her side Their forces collide in raw revenge of a soul that never died Uttering maligned moans when they crawl out their graves In search of the pharaoh who’s not as brave as he behaves Through time she turned callous, approaching royal palace Rageful eyes ready to kill, addicted to a murderous malice She enters the bedroom as he lays wrapped in silk sheets Ready to compete as her bruised heart starts to skip beats In a final strife: hands are trembling over that rusty old knife She’ll use to make him feel once and for all she is his wife Now gradually slicing his throat as his words float in the air Transcend in quotes, his sapphire eyes expressing despair Crimson drops coloring her dress as she cuts with finesse All the anger she suppressed, now she can release stress Leaving him breathless she walks out with a devilish smirk She is letting those ravenous mummies finish off the work Licking off her fingers so she tastes his warm darkred blood Ultimate revenge for times he dragged her through the mud Happiness fills her being, in her hand his most private parts As a nice example of fine arts: the drama of infinite hearts Left feedback to: Empty Path by Mad Knight Lust for Pink Rose by CriTiC |
anotha piece here from D.Q i'm suprised RV is sleepin hard on ya very unique & creative pieces u need 2 keep kickin diz cuz it is fire vocab was good, alot of imagery, structure was up 2 par, original concepts r ur speciality keep writing 10/10 fa sho
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yeah that was cool sis...flows were there..vocab was bulk and concept was clear..i liked the piece...it was cool mayne...no critiques on this one...
holla! |
Thanks for the feed both of you!
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Upping this piece...
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Upping once again...
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work more on your flow by trying different word play. try to chop it up a bit more and use styles such as assonance and tighter multi's coz atm it sorta read's with a rigid flow. try to make your shit read more interestingly by like thinking what other peoiple will read and if they will think it's really dope. like your favourite artists and your favourite things try to incorporate more 'marketable' enjoyable to the listener/reader. for instance a party and what make's people wanna dance and rock to, drink to and give u prop's for.
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Im like really tired, but anyway, i always like your ishy. you're neva on aim anymore. :(
But nevertheless, the title was dope. lol. And assonance is gayyyy, that craps so annoying, it was fine just the way it is, stupid when people tell you to alter your own style and ishhhhy. |
look girl the hot hood is not good in any manner or degree put on my bandana and flee because crime legal in america for an evil character walk streets of poor quality with galore policy of restriction from racist cop under mad stress but its a bad guess thinking of escape
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You're the one who's never on :( Thanks for feed :) |
Oh whatEVER, im ALWAYS ON
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shit's just my opinion dickhead. wtf is this forum for? so you get other people's opinion. yeh so run along dumb ass, you obviosuly don't know wtf you talking about. |
Your opinion sucks.
:) |
Boys boys boys...
Keep it friendly in my threads please... Take it outside! |
ahh, the rusty knife again ;)
good stuff dq, raw emotion....worth a good read, kinda sick at the end there, but good play into your title....i loved how you described some parts, twas very descriptive and really made your piece bleed its emotion that always seems to be present. keep up, rtf on this please :) http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206108 |
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