this is my open mic reposted..
 

yo rb yall prolly already seen me post this but i neva got feedback, i jus want to get sum feedback n see wut i got to work on n wut im elevatin in..



In this polluted world of my head im jus a mere thought
Tryin to pull away from people tellin me im sumtin when im not
Tryed so many things n failed throughout my lifes years
Ive neva had inspiration jus my heart,head,n trifelin tears
Its been a cruel world but im still standin..can i get a cheer
Oh..neva mind i got no1 for that so ill jus resist bein sincere
Ive been beaten at nething i try...thats a true fact.. not false
I must elevate n practice to my full extent jus like tryin to waltz
Im suprised ive made an effort n kept it when i said i was gonna rap
But it looks like i havent elevated im stuck in this big ass gap
Out of evrything ive put my mind on n tried,rap has survived
So im hopin 1 day itll find me n let me on its secrets so ill revive
Ill bust out of my own SHELL like a 9 milli blastin at its target
Ill be like a rehabilitated prison man or get out the retardness
Im the victim of my own actions which left me in fractions
3/4s of me sumwhere, anotha 3/4s bein frictioned traction
Although, there has been beams o lights in my darkness
So i give props to those helpin me n not leaven me sparkless
I thank u for helpin n i hope i can do the same one day fo yall
I wanna be an elevation..a blessin..a hero when yall trip n fall
I dont even know if this rap is about elevation or i wanna b a star
The way my mind is in the dirt,i think it isnt worth it, its bizarre
But I gotta stop thinkin negative n see the postive side of this
i gotta stop n try my hardest,neva give up,n avoid the abyss
Im tired of alwayz bein the newbie of sumtin that i can overcome
Put my mind head strong,n have good luck from clovercrumbs
So i end my own sorrow of pain n failure, pull myself back togetha
N go do my best to go through the fase of elevation n grimmy weatha


hope yall liked it n feedback appreciated

Peace

Yea i read this one before an i like it.....very good piece man there was emotion behind it an i could relate to a lot of it for ex..

In this polluted world of my head im jus a mere thought
Tryin to pull away from people tellin me im sumtin when im not---Ive gotten that a lot....i say fuckem!

You used dome good lines throughout.....if your lookin for something to work on i guess the only thing i can tell you is that i thought some of the lines were forced but i mean it was a good piece.......keep on writing....hit me up whenever you write anything new id like to see how youll progress.......check out my most recent piece its called :

I Bought Her Flower Today
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...457#post1151457

uppin this fo feedback

good peice...very emotional...but maintained the flow...
no real big flaws...solid peice overall...
wordplay, vocab etc...was solid...

Keep Spittin...

Return the Favor...check the battles in my sig...

thanx homie..lookin fo sum more feedback uppin

I think I've seen this before...I actually think you have alot of potenial...your content was nice....adn you did have a decent flow going on(although it was a bit choppy in some places)..just work on your scheme and wordplay..you'll be alright~peace..~~

This was a nice drop yo. Ya flow was good there were no stops or anything to throw you off. the vocab was pretty good also. There was alot of feeling in it so it will hit alot of people in different ways. we need more shit like this.

i liked it, i could reallly relate to that piece and it had emotion.

thanx fo all yall feedback..hope fully this will help me..uppin