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02-03-04, 10:57 AM | #1 | ||||||||
Flyweight
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this is my open mic reposted..
IP: E7CB E3DC
yo rb yall prolly already seen me post this but i neva got feedback, i jus want to get sum feedback n see wut i got to work on n wut im elevatin in..
In this polluted world of my head im jus a mere thought Tryin to pull away from people tellin me im sumtin when im not Tryed so many things n failed throughout my lifes years Ive neva had inspiration jus my heart,head,n trifelin tears Its been a cruel world but im still standin..can i get a cheer Oh..neva mind i got no1 for that so ill jus resist bein sincere Ive been beaten at nething i try...thats a true fact.. not false I must elevate n practice to my full extent jus like tryin to waltz Im suprised ive made an effort n kept it when i said i was gonna rap But it looks like i havent elevated im stuck in this big ass gap Out of evrything ive put my mind on n tried,rap has survived So im hopin 1 day itll find me n let me on its secrets so ill revive Ill bust out of my own SHELL like a 9 milli blastin at its target Ill be like a rehabilitated prison man or get out the retardness Im the victim of my own actions which left me in fractions 3/4s of me sumwhere, anotha 3/4s bein frictioned traction Although, there has been beams o lights in my darkness So i give props to those helpin me n not leaven me sparkless I thank u for helpin n i hope i can do the same one day fo yall I wanna be an elevation..a blessin..a hero when yall trip n fall I dont even know if this rap is about elevation or i wanna b a star The way my mind is in the dirt,i think it isnt worth it, its bizarre But I gotta stop thinkin negative n see the postive side of this i gotta stop n try my hardest,neva give up,n avoid the abyss Im tired of alwayz bein the newbie of sumtin that i can overcome Put my mind head strong,n have good luck from clovercrumbs So i end my own sorrow of pain n failure, pull myself back togetha N go do my best to go through the fase of elevation n grimmy weatha hope yall liked it n feedback appreciated Peace
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02-03-04, 11:41 AM | #2 | |||
"The Eleete"
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IP: 0630 0104
Yea i read this one before an i like it.....very good piece man there was emotion behind it an i could relate to a lot of it for ex..
In this polluted world of my head im jus a mere thought Tryin to pull away from people tellin me im sumtin when im not---Ive gotten that a lot....i say fuckem! You used dome good lines throughout.....if your lookin for something to work on i guess the only thing i can tell you is that i thought some of the lines were forced but i mean it was a good piece.......keep on writing....hit me up whenever you write anything new id like to see how youll progress.......check out my most recent piece its called : I Bought Her Flower Today http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...457#post1151457 |
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02-03-04, 11:41 AM | #3 | ||||||||
Flyweight
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IP: E7CB E3DC
uppin this fo feedback
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02-03-04, 11:54 AM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 26AF 96FF
good peice...very emotional...but maintained the flow...
no real big flaws...solid peice overall... wordplay, vocab etc...was solid... Keep Spittin... Return the Favor...check the battles in my sig... |
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02-03-04, 11:57 AM | #5 | ||||||||
Flyweight
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IP: E7CB E3DC
thanx homie..lookin fo sum more feedback uppin
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02-03-04, 12:11 PM | #6 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I think I've seen this before...I actually think you have alot of potenial...your content was nice....adn you did have a decent flow going on(although it was a bit choppy in some places)..just work on your scheme and wordplay..you'll be alright~peace..~~
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02-03-04, 12:41 PM | #7 | ||||
R.B's Demigod
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IP: 5E48 7779
This was a nice drop yo. Ya flow was good there were no stops or anything to throw you off. the vocab was pretty good also. There was alot of feeling in it so it will hit alot of people in different ways. we need more shit like this.
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<marquee>FUCK YOU!!! YEAH YOU BITCH</marquee> <center> </center> slept on battle http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=105181 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113861 |
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02-03-04, 06:14 PM | #8 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: FD9D 8A8F
i liked it, i could reallly relate to that piece and it had emotion.
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02-03-04, 06:21 PM | #9 | ||||||||
Flyweight
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IP: E7CB E3DC
thanx fo all yall feedback..hope fully this will help me..uppin
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