James Jr. 1st open mic....
I'll get straight to it......
(you can tell I'm new to the site) I. You've never met a sick lyricist You need to sit here and think Nothing is as severe as this I'm here for the kids ~ Who said I had to spread negativity? It's been plaguing me since a teen, with rage and defensive speech Just let me be... Just let me breathe... ~ It is as clear as the sky I'm here to survive, don't come near...come LIVE They're fearing my vibe... Their fear is described ~ I'm a product of consumption Too much chronic, thought of as nothing Until I got up & was dumping, then they got slaughtered for fronting ~ No compensation...! this is my inauguration Stick to your job or occupation I'm flipping the script, I'm dropping the statements Giving crooked cops the payments To look over my Glocks just in case this.... ~ Turns to bitter conflicts, sinister contents So I let my thoughts reflect, considerate, confidence Bullets riddle your dawg's chest... shot to death You lost, what's the cost of death? James Jr. (need beats!!!) so.. was done to "New York, New York" Instrumental Snoop, feat. Dogg Pound |
2nd edition
2nd edition
II. Imagine every kid rapping, anything could happen Plenty of bling, plenty of platinum But really every kid can't have some ~ Dawg just conserve your energy, You'll get burned relentlessly, I'm here forever to beef Don't ever intend to think you're as clever as me I'm a mother fu*&%$g pedigree, ~ Designing rhyming schemes, On point like 9's and beams Cowards still rhyme with fiends... trying to get free But are barely alive to breathe ~ Don't waste potential time with this, Noone wants to lose It's a case of defensive rhyming sh*t, Something noone wants to choose ~ I tried to live righteous, yet have made many mistakes to date My mind just likes this, but has the hate to change today ~ I didn't make the game, I only enabled it... so I could rape the game Only this rage and pain, could reveal the way I've changed My name is ....James James Jr (AGAIN no instrumentals) so... done to WW3 |
you definatley need to work on evening ya bars out, the syllable count, so it has a smoother flow to it, some of what ya was saying was decent, but other places were weak, try to be consistant,....
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Your Structure Lacks....and It Seams As You Disdnt Milk Your Idea But Instaed Dragged It.you Are Not Garbage But Do Need To Elivate Keep At It.
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This was ok.....strucuture needs fixed up a lot......you had multies through out the piece which made it a better read....had some ok vocab....the content in those were..ok...but just keep elevating and you will get there man....and keep at it.
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it was nice... u just need to even out ur bars and work on ur structures like tha others said. other than that, nice shit u got here. peep my new piece which is tha preview of a new song ne and my boyz are workin on. holla back.
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3rd edition
I tell em if you want it then come get it,
Don’t get it twisted,Young and gifted, I’m the one spitting The sh*t is vicious That’s it you’re done bi*ching, I’m the one coming committed The mother fu*ker with the quick decisions, Bitch just listen... ~ It was written since the day I was born! This sh*t is wisdom made from the way I was formed Through the days in the shade and the rain in the storm When I went through the pain and I mourned But the change would come forward ~ Enlightening my life, Tonight is the night I planted the seed writing to fight Fighting to write, Not to be igniting the pipes It’s tight if it’s tight ~ Now I’ll tell you why I hate the news, Besides the *fake staged debated views Fuck the ratings and reviews , Contemplating the way too change it But I think it’s too late to do, They’ve manipulated entire states Brainwashed the youth!* ~ So to me their reputation is dogshit They owe a debt to the nation Not nonsense I’m sick of the constant conflicts Fuck Saddam bitch Where’s Bin Laden ?* ~ Try giving the people some positive details Instead of just convicts that need jail With no conscience Your context is beef swelled Claiming to be honest when everyone knows you’re retail ~ Corporate agenda passed down the pyramid of power Of course it’s to condemn us you can hear it in an hour It’s dictatorial distortion bow down fear it and cower Unseen by the ones sworn to defend us from the imperial cowards ~ Peotry posts http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111087 Please give me feed back 1st battle http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111490 1st Cypher http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...366#post1150366 James Jr. @On The Spot Productions 2004 |
Is this improved??
Quote:
:shoot: :shoot: :shoot: FAKE EMCEES :cussing: |
This verse got slept on ....
Up N for the second time honest criticism JamesJr. Feb 4th |
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