Hand Out
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=182864

Bit short sorry might re-do and drop it again in a few weekz..

Stay up fam

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Nice dude keep that shit coming. Everything rhymed and flowed nicely and I think you would be dope at poetry so if you wanna collab or poetry battle gimme a holla. :D

Thanx for the feed fam, yeah I gonna start writing more coz I'm
not as active as I use to be...

But yeah lets do a colab for sure, I'm on holiday for the next week
wont be back until the 4th Apr so if u got any topics pm me and
we go from there.

Stay up

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Yeah I got one dope verse made that I tried for a crew with and I wanna drop that. But I'll think hard on a mouth dropping topic.

Legend

Governed by law corruptions hard core
Civilisation’s soar AID’s left heart tore
The river of death’s shore left lock jaw
Don’t have malaria cure was deaths saw
Beyond the shack I dwell aside living hell
I express my dismay but ended up in cell
Don’t have jail the rebel forces would tell
Beyond the cobble paving dead flesh smell
No enriched soil when water source boiled
World gave Aid but need to feed was in toil


I liked this Critic, nice drop. The vocab was tip-top, with lots of rhyming that was flowing really good together.
Deep piece aswel, was feelin the message about giving AID to other countries but forgetting about home.

Short, Sharp and to the point

9/10

nice vocab, nice flow, complexcity within the lines were sick..
overral it was short n sweet, nothin i can fault, an alot people can learn from in the vocab an the whole sense of the flow an rhymes, nice stuff Fam, keep 'em comin..

Sup uping for more feed, coz this verse deserves more.

Stay up all

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Quite good, but too short. I'll edit when you put the "proper" verse down.

this was good, but damn your grammar was wack man, "ended up in cell" in a cell son [b]IN A!!![b] lol, but ya was pretty good for a quick drop, didnt really understand the complete concept on this though, it was good though, 7.5/10

rtf in the sig

Explain = A cell is a small room with no windows,... coz the don't have jails.
it was a quick key.

I express my dismay but ended up in cell
Don’t have jail the rebel forces would tell

Thanks for the feed back

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this was decent but wording i gotta say was a bit off but ya bars concepts were pretty deep...good drop critic...it was short but that didnt really hurt its effectiveness in my opinion...my only quams was that its seemed worded weird at points...almost like you needed better grammar..not sure what more to say to fix it..it not my drop...
but stay up fam...good work...

Thanx for the feedback Daz you know I will respect it coming from u.
I'm just trying new concepts with my writing at the moment, I get
what your saying.

I have got a new verse I'm working on which is pretty deep, I'm using
my old stay but with a few new addtions.

Stay up fam.

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