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03-24-05, 08:20 AM | #1 | |||||
Black Poet
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Hand Out
IP: 2041 AFC0
Governed by law corruptions hard core Civilisation’s soar AID’s left heart tore The river of death’s shore left lock jaw Don’t have malaria cure was deaths saw Beyond the shack I dwell aside living hell I express my dismay but ended up in cell Don’t have jail the rebel forces would tell Beyond the cobble paving dead flesh smell No enriched soil when water source boiled World gave Aid but need to feed was in toil |
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03-24-05, 08:22 AM | #2 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=182864
Bit short sorry might re-do and drop it again in a few weekz.. Stay up fam 1~ |
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03-24-05, 08:27 AM | #3 | ||||
Back....
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IP: 7880 C197
Nice dude keep that shit coming. Everything rhymed and flowed nicely and I think you would be dope at poetry so if you wanna collab or poetry battle gimme a holla.
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03-24-05, 08:33 AM | #4 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Thanx for the feed fam, yeah I gonna start writing more coz I'm
not as active as I use to be... But yeah lets do a colab for sure, I'm on holiday for the next week wont be back until the 4th Apr so if u got any topics pm me and we go from there. Stay up 1~ |
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03-24-05, 08:52 AM | #5 | ||||
Back....
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IP: 7880 C197
Yeah I got one dope verse made that I tried for a crew with and I wanna drop that. But I'll think hard on a mouth dropping topic.
Legend
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Back..... |
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03-24-05, 09:06 AM | #6 | |||||
Gods Of War! -yeah im one
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IP: C2DF 7A85
Governed by law corruptions hard core
Civilisation’s soar AID’s left heart tore The river of death’s shore left lock jaw Don’t have malaria cure was deaths saw Beyond the shack I dwell aside living hell I express my dismay but ended up in cell Don’t have jail the rebel forces would tell Beyond the cobble paving dead flesh smell No enriched soil when water source boiled World gave Aid but need to feed was in toil I liked this Critic, nice drop. The vocab was tip-top, with lots of rhyming that was flowing really good together. Deep piece aswel, was feelin the message about giving AID to other countries but forgetting about home. Short, Sharp and to the point 9/10
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03-24-05, 10:35 AM | #7 | ||||
E-Style, Bitch.
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IP: ECB3 36A0
nice vocab, nice flow, complexcity within the lines were sick..
overral it was short n sweet, nothin i can fault, an alot people can learn from in the vocab an the whole sense of the flow an rhymes, nice stuff Fam, keep 'em comin..
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People Hate What They Can't Conquer |
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04-07-05, 08:46 AM | #8 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Sup uping for more feed, coz this verse deserves more.
Stay up all 1~ |
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04-07-05, 08:57 AM | #9 | |||||
Burnt face man
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IP: A402 B1E6
Quite good, but too short. I'll edit when you put the "proper" verse down.
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04-07-05, 07:03 PM | #10 | |||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 3CAE 6243
this was good, but damn your grammar was wack man, "ended up in cell" in a cell son [b]IN A!!![b] lol, but ya was pretty good for a quick drop, didnt really understand the complete concept on this though, it was good though, 7.5/10
rtf in the sig |
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04-08-05, 03:28 AM | #11 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Explain = A cell is a small room with no windows,... coz the don't have jails.
it was a quick key. I express my dismay but ended up in cell Don’t have jail the rebel forces would tell Thanks for the feed back 1~ |
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04-08-05, 03:35 AM | #12 | ||||
leave you rest'n pz's
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IP: 538A BA27
this was decent but wording i gotta say was a bit off but ya bars concepts were pretty deep...good drop critic...it was short but that didnt really hurt its effectiveness in my opinion...my only quams was that its seemed worded weird at points...almost like you needed better grammar..not sure what more to say to fix it..it not my drop...
but stay up fam...good work...
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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts what the fuck, was you high..? did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...! . . fake fucks..move on...! |
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04-08-05, 07:18 AM | #13 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Thanx for the feedback Daz you know I will respect it coming from u.
I'm just trying new concepts with my writing at the moment, I get what your saying. I have got a new verse I'm working on which is pretty deep, I'm using my old stay but with a few new addtions. Stay up fam. 1~ Last edited by CriTiC : 04-18-05 at 07:41 AM. |
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