A lil somethin something
 

Experiencing willpower of a whole other level
Self control trying to refuse the Devil.

Emanating God and erasing out my dirty laundry
Trying to stamp out all the amosity the world has to
offer, trying to show people the right way to proffer.

No more generosity now just straight up hypocrisy wow,
did we know just notice the world going hay-wire or
are getting so bad that its time to pack the Mayflower

Guilt ridden for all the things I’ve done, riddled with
semi-auto holes from an imaginary gun.
Everything is wicked underneath the Sun.

Learning from mistakes and sin’s my body’s tainted,
trying to wipe off again and make something
really beautiful painted.

Building bridges that seemed uncross able, building
dwellings for my new life possible.

Encasing my soul in a Spirit so divine, I feel let down
when I say something I shouldn’t my first time

this was good, flowed well, nice topic as always, vocab was pretty good, keep it up girl

Yes, lest not forget I am a female, thanks for that imput, as well as the others C-nite.

b4 it gets closed...

well...the structure was quite off on my part...dont separate ur lines do that to ur verses instead cos it would take off the flow feel me?...your rhymin scheme was ok..but b carefull it could seem unrhymed to lots of readers...the scheme u used woulda been iight for an audio sis..but its ur choice...try usin one for one verse and another style for another verse...u get me?...it would give ur piece a multi color..but ur topic was iight yo...keep it up

holla at mine (sig)

one

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2374080 my link, thanks for the feedback..yvonne, i seperate cuz ppl couldn't figure out my structure, so i simplified I guess in doing that I screwed up. But anyways, thanks.

ok good piece overall, but ur structure needs work girl.....work on that iight other than that keep postin and ull be fine 1

thanks man, uppin

good verse you cud use more vocab n the content was good but nedds more work like dat uva dude sed good start to it tho ....