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Who Am I?
Who am I?
I'm the pulse of what uplifts and demoralizes you.... As a matter of fact....let me change that... I'm the pulse of a pulse... I move at my own pace and I set in motion a combination of thoughts.... I come in different varieties and styles... Without effort I bring focus to eardrums and eyesight... True I may entertain you... but I can also make you mad at the same time.... I move people without force... People operate off the quality of me You may think you have more power... But I on the other hand control movements.... You wanna talk about how strong your force is? Without me you wouldnt have a force.... I'm your inspiration.... I'm who you go to when your down and you need somethin to bring you back up... I'm who you go to when your happy and you want to celebrate your happiness... Who Am I you ask? Well they call me the shift that guides you from left to right.... The movement that moves you while your makin love... True without you there would be no me.... But without me you wouldnt be as hip as you are right now.... The swagger you walk wit would probably be different.... Shit... without me.... Janet Jackson's Rhythm nation would be rhythmless.... So if you ask who I am... Well... I'm exactly what I present myself as... I am.... music |
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this was pretty good.... i felt it coulda been more emotonal and statements coulda been made more powerful but this wasn't too bad.... it kinda went from being deep to sumn regular towards the end.... the janet jackson line took away from ya piece....actually....
The swagger you walk wit would probably be different.... Shit... without me.... Janet Jackson's Rhythm nation would be rhythmless.... So if you ask who I am... Well... I'm exactly what I present myself as... ^^^all of this coulda been replaced with stronger statements^^^ but not bad before that.... 7/10 |
lol yea i know it was a 5 min poem......thanx fo da feed tho...I'll RTF here in a bit...1
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pretty good...just up your vocabulary next time to establish your point more efficiently but other than that...good work...8/10
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it's str8 mann.. not bad
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Nice peice man.
The personal tone suited the poem perfectly. The opening line started off perfectly, with the pulse line. Whislt reading this I would never off guessed it was Music, but once the final line told me I went back and read it, it all suited perfectly. One bad point was the structure, But overall this was nice. Keep Writing |
thanx fo da feed D.......really appreciated....will RTF
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Nice! I think you should up the vocab though and elavate a lil bit and it should be A+ shit. :thumbup:
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thanx fo da feed Reign:)........wasnt my best piece but wasnt my worse eitha
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I actually thought this was pretty good.
But your diction didnt quite express the meaning it should have. With upped vocab and better expression this would have made a great poem. The language seems a bit too coloquial for its purpose. |
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