fucked up
 

dads neva round, its me and my hound/
im fucked up, im going underground/
messed around,stressing out, you guessed it right,
kill me like your fucking criptonite/
shake me up and watch me explode like dynamite/
either love me or youll hate me, just like marmite/
if u hate me put ya fists up, coz we gon-fight/
i used to get so hi, just like a fucking kite/
kilt my thoughts, and now im as dry as i ever might...../
be... i neva take shit lightly, coz im paronoid as it goes/
so burn burn,all of my foes/
:banghead:

structure= was str8 and all but change it dawg if u want your shit 2 b tight

Vocabulary=Was okay but u probably can do betta

Emotion of it made it an okay freestyle, but u need some work on different things like, style, structure, vocab, flow, and rhyming

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Nah Man..Yah Flow Was Really Off On This Beat, I Wasn't You're Lines Either..Didn't Have ANY OneLiners In It Either Man..You Also Need To Fix Up You're Bar Structure..It Wasn't That Nice..Keep Dropping And Elevate Meng :)

ur flow was off, but its not bad.....Get urself a structure...base it around syllables and line distance....

Ur vocab need workin on...but that jus means u need to read The Times instead of The Sun.....

Ur topic was messed up due to the shortnes of ur verse...try makin ur verse about 7-10 bars long....a good range for a topic...

thats all really....ur not wack....just bare that in mind...

Holla mine... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=103384

yeh masta c i gav feed bak 2:
bigg e z,
lyrical snake,
and YJ
k?

i agree the flow was knocked by the bar lengths...it was too short...the vocab was ok...but needs improved....use a better topic and lengthen tya drops...work on the complexity and it should improve....pZ......