dads neva round, its me and my hound/
im fucked up, im going underground/
messed around,stressing out, you guessed it right,
kill me like your fucking criptonite/
shake me up and watch me explode like dynamite/
either love me or youll hate me, just like marmite/
if u hate me put ya fists up, coz we gon-fight/
i used to get so hi, just like a fucking kite/
kilt my thoughts, and now im as dry as i ever might...../
be... i neva take shit lightly, coz im paronoid as it goes/
so burn burn,all of my foes/

structure= was str8 and all but change it dawg if u want your shit 2 b tight

Vocabulary=Was okay but u probably can do betta

Emotion of it made it an okay freestyle, but u need some work on different things like, style, structure, vocab, flow, and rhyming

__________________
<a href="http://http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1194274">Se7eN v.s Long Beach Finest</a>

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Nah Man..Yah Flow Was Really Off On This Beat, I Wasn't You're Lines Either..Didn't Have ANY OneLiners In It Either Man..You Also Need To Fix Up You're Bar Structure..It Wasn't That Nice..Keep Dropping And Elevate Meng

ur flow was off, but its not bad.....Get urself a structure...base it around syllables and line distance....

Ur vocab need workin on...but that jus means u need to read The Times instead of The Sun.....

Ur topic was messed up due to the shortnes of ur verse...try makin ur verse about 7-10 bars long....a good range for a topic...

thats all really....ur not wack....just bare that in mind...

Holla mine... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=103384

yeh masta c i gav feed bak 2:
bigg e z,
lyrical snake,
and YJ
k?