Eye Of The Beholder
 

Replied To:
Prevailed Rue
Krem
Dev

Who Be The Elites That Send Fleets Across Seas Destroyin Peace/
No Cease To This Circus In The Middle East As Da Ring Master Speaks
From The Comfort In D.c Motavating Only For His Needs; He Feeds/
Off Of Innocent Meat, Mainly Da Minority, Whipped Out Day By Day/
As We Reach A Point Were This War Been Side Burnin Like A Joint/
On Point I Bring My Prespective To This Thread To Wake Da Livn Dead
Enough Said, How Many Mexicans And Blacks Are On A Coroners Bed/
Shit, Count Goes On While The Devils In Disguise Have Fun /
Fighting A White Mans War Is So Wrong,false Mission Of Freedom/
Iraqui People Now Clutched To The System, Followin A Curriculum/
Fedeyins And Pakistanis Doing The Most Dirt With Da Napalm/
Unexpected Tactics Used By These Radical Muslims For A Ticket/
To A First Class Resurection Waiting For Them Up In Da Heavens/
Extreme Critical Thoughts, These People Don't Beckon For Truce/
Don't Want To Repeat A Past, Anotha Treaty With A Fuse/
Boom, Car Bomb Explodes While Soldiers Snooze Without A Clue/
Not Knowing Who, What And Where To Shoot, Guerilla Crews/
Using Cuban Guerilla Styles Penetrating And Damaging Convoys/
Everyday In Bagdad Soldiers Have No Choice But To Realize Da Noise
They Be Disposable Heroes Used As Bait, Wounded Still They Come Back To A Country Dat Still Discriminates, This Big Piece Of Fucking Land With Fifty Border States That They Jacked From Other Countrys Sealing Their Fate; I'm Out With No Hate, Just Da Way I Feel About This Stalemate.

..decent piece..good content..good flow throughout the whole piece...good scheme..keep up...

~Go here and win~
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...04&page=1&pp=15

I liked the flow the content was a little choppy in some areas but overall pretty clean this verse was overall well written and an enjoyable read

Real nice message, good topic.

Ya flow was pretty good at times...

At others, downright blah.

Your rhyme scheme varies drastically and needs to be one or the other...
Whatever style you choose, stick with one.

This rhyme had about 3 at least.

Still, a good read, didn't suck, and was very topical/current event.

Peace

im feelin the vocab and the topics you hit but it do seem like you cudda took more time to assemble ya thoughts. its hot but im not really feelin the style change at the end, like Born said you shudda sticked to one or the other. either way wudda been straight

some good ideas expressed herem, but you need to follow the basic guideline of rhyming your bars, man. a few multis wouldnt hurt, the war talk at the end was good, the line length made it hard to catch the rhythm of the piece though.

keep writing.

thanks guys

1 Open Mic Per Day...Follow The Rules.