Childhood: Allegory & Jacent
Allegory
High flying and making my time as a child Days wild, those were the times when it never seemed mild Rebel in my own right I fought for independence Dad's amendments, however, left my frantic fits endless In my little struggle for equality I was like Rev. King Jus let me sing, cause back then teen rights was the thing A knock at the door, it might have been my boy Jacent Hit or miss, that's the way we played it with bliss Whether I was expressing artistic talent or hanging wit my clique Life was a trick, a prank, a joke, a gag, and a comedy flick From innocence to jail sentence was a regular occurrence steering past currents was everyone's dream's reference But what the fuck, who cares, the rule was don't get caught changes fought, and these same methods are still taught Rap might have saved me from ending up a careless person Caught cursing in 6th grade, the plot would only worsen Suspended eight times in total from my days of school Thought it was cool, I bragged about it like a fool Caught cutting more times than a paper shredder Another letter, home to my dad that would never Reach him, cause I always checked the mail first My mind was immersed in the bible of sin headfirst And what was worst was I couldn't get out I would shout to myself when alone, and let my demon clout My mind was in shambles now, and forever that would stay Time may stray, but I lived it once, now live it all day The thug life is a part of me, my young life brought it on Just a pawn, maneuvered to the point where sanity is gone Jacent A virgin mind, so young & innocent ..At weight with the lord, in peace with him The backyard, my castle of joy ..A young boy, fascinated w/ ninja turtle toys Collections of memories, grandpas face ..It was so perfect, nothing I could ever replace Walks to the park, Cunningham Lake ..Fishing with uncle Terry, just so great One thing though, I'll never forget in that time ..is grandpa, ur gone but images still lurk in mind Playing, grandma calls me in for lunch ..I guess its true, you only get to live childhood once I wish I could go back, nights of beauty ..Slowly, time progressed & childhood began to lose me Everyone got older, mature, & changes took place ..Teenage trend crept, fell into the pack of race My youth wasn't bad, it was far from it ..Living in rough areas is stereotype, but it wasnt It was fun, I'd trade anything to go back in time ..& see myself, As a youthful virgin mind |
this was aight...i'll adress each personally
Allegory- your verse was ok..the flow wasnt always on point here..some the of the wordage in here coulda been more complex to enhance some of the imagery..still the simpleness of this verse is directly in comparison to the sweet delicasy and simplicity that is childhood..so in all said..nice verse man keep droppin... Jacent-nice verse to..the flow was also off on this seemed to me..i think you brought up some memories from my own self which in turn made me go back to think of what you were saying..the grandpa point was very true...and part of the reason i liked this is because you brought out that stereotype that most people define in living in a rough area...also that castle in ur backyard thing...yes...relates alot for every child considers this backyard the domain in which they can express their own selves and view on whatever they feel..all that to say....nice verse.... -Daz |
thanks for the feedback daz...i hate to up..but can we get some responses plz...thanks
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