My first drop (on rb)
 

Recollect (work in process

Growing up life never was fair
Niggaz talking bout there pops mine neva there
Moms out gone
so I sing this song?
Make me want to cry
Tears in my eyes
Dry up and smile
Damn this shit wild
Had birthday s without seeing a toy
Had Christmas without feeling no joy
Now funerals moms all mourning
Dads in the system he don’t know morning
I’m 8 now already maturing
I know what it takes to be a true playa
Husslaz on the corner guns wit the lasers
But im to young for this
How dumb is this
I need drums wit dis

....
lots of personal emotions i guess.
thats good just put those emotions
into better words.
preferably more......too short.
not enuff for every lines.

your first should be your last if your gonna post more of that calibre type stuff

it's not that is weak, but missing more. tell more in a line like
for

Make me want to cry
Tears in my eyes
Dry up and smile
Damn this shit wild

try this but i still left it short so you can flow;

fresh like an open wound so I cry
feel the salty water drip my from eyes
Gotta dry up, try to put on a smile
I Deal with my problems, still shit is to wild

ohh Speek.E.Z. ive read your shit quit now, no stop talkin go...nah but man it's 1st post what did you want

I agree man try an make your sentences longer..........keep the emotion though..........emotion is a big thing in my eyes an should come first wit every drop...........keep at it man youll get it.......hit up my latest if you got the time........peace........

I Bought Her Flowers
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111616

this was garbage but for your first post it's understandable you need to strengthen your lines and vocab throw a couple of metaphors in and multies and keep a good flow basically just spit the shit then put down or put it down then spit before you post it that way you can tell yourself that it sounds good

i have no idea what u meant there.. what i meant is it as a joke, that he should come back when he gets better lines, jesus ppl now a days :nono: