Slavery (Deepish)
 

Tearz*

Back scared by the ruthless jerk
To be captured as slaves for worthless work
Chained and wiped and treated like dirt
With every snap of the wipe, it had to hurt
Young men sold as slaves for 100 dollars
It wasnt worth it, to be jerked around in neck collars
Invaded their villages burning there homes
With nothing to fight them except for stones
Loading slaves by the hundreds on to ships
Chaining them down and snaping them with wipes
Dozens dying of dieses from toxic waste
Vomiting everything they eat because of the unusaul taste
15 teen years old and treated as a man
No way of escape, your only weapon is your hands
Three days without seeing light
And two dead freinds chained on your left and right
You try your hardest to fight back the tears
But you remember memorys from past years
The times you spent with your family and friends
And now your chained and wiped and takin from them

Not my best, but I wanted to drop somthin deep. Uppin For Feed. :thumbup:

Uppin it. Uppin it.

humph...
o....k....
it was simple and seemed like it didn't make much time to make it, this makes ME want to think it was a freestyle, but tha fact you told it tha way you did leaves massive doubts...
on tha other hand, you did use intense imagery to tell a poetical sense of your story about slavery, not a topic too touched upon in today's hip hop society...
overall, just try to take your time when you want to make a serious drop, read it over, change things to make it put emotion to your reader's...

5 / 10

nice drop. short but nice. it was consistent which is good. the flow was apparent.
the meaning was felt and it was complex enough. good topic to write about.
one thing though, wipes=whips. thats how you spell it. lol. i dunno, its just cuz
you said whips like 4 times, it kinda caught my eye. and try not to be so repetitive.
over all~ nice drop. hope to hear more.

hit this up in return plz:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112457

pz

it was decent...very simple and childish seems to me you didnt pt alot of effort into it and if you did you should be ashamed..

It was alright.. reminds me of something I wrote when I started out.. keep droppin the deep ish!