Obsession
 

ok, I felt like tryin' something new. Don't hate. Don't kno if this belongs here, cuz I don't see any other pieces like this, but here it goes:

Girl, when I see you, I feel like I wanna faint
I wanna make you my boo. Take you out on a date
I hope I’m not late, cuz I wanna steal your heart
Jus like a bank robber, but that’s not where I’ll start
Awesome personality, body, and brains. You’re a piece of art
You got everything to drive a brother insane, like a Wal-Mart
But when I try to talk to you… my mouth just drops
I can’t get out a word… my mind just stops
I got so much to say to you ‘bout how I really feel
‘Bout wat I would pay to do, to show you that I’m fo reel
It’s so surreal, I don’t look when you pass me in the hall
But when you pass, I turn around, and then I trip and fall
I can’t stop thinkin’ of you… I think I’m obsessed
Knowin’ that I can’t talk to you, gets me so depressed
I wanted those feelings to be suppressed, so I took a chance
I would do anything to impress… to get me outta this trance
The next day at school, when I saw you pass me by
I actually looked at you, and gave you a big smile
I then called you over to my locker, and I did what I wanted to do
For the longest time, I finally said “I love you”

Be honest wit ur feedback. PEACE

Thats realy tyte. Love it. Awww my heart wud' melt if my boyfriend wrote that for me :D ... Keep it up.

itz tite 2 femalez az u can see an u got nice wordplay in it but i dont feal usher type of flowz but do tha damn thang mr. beyonce

hot shit!

I hope it got you the girl......

one love......

That was some good shit, For trying something new.
I fell u young

very noce
nice flow
nice vocab
good metas
great
i give u a 8/10

I feel you bother, the being in love part its a damn natural disaster the way women can effect a man.
Give that poem/rap to her, women LOVE that shit. Theres no limit to how much women love that shit but the obsessed part can scare them sometimes.

thanks for all the compliments. Yea, I'll get that obsessed part out. PEACE :thumbup:

Yeah heres more feedback- write another one.

What, you mean another one like this or just another open mic?

Nice SPuL, I Like That... *Propz* You Had Good Vocab, Structure, Mutlies, Creativity, And All That Shit, Tight Drop Playa, I Can Respect Where Your Coming From With That!! Itz All Good' All Around Boi, lol DAMN I Wish My "Man" Would Resite That Kinda Shit To Me' But It Aint Happenin (Lol)

Overall: I Thought It Was Tight I Really Enjoyed It!!!! ;)

Keep Up The Good Work Playa (Im Out)

Wun Luv,

i'm not a big fan of this kind of rap but this one was ok but dont do this all the time and he's not mr. beyonce he's mr. no your right he's mr. beyonce

wal mart drives you insane too?