Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
03-25-04, 09:26 PM | #1 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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Obsession
IP: E9EF 8856
ok, I felt like tryin' something new. Don't hate. Don't kno if this belongs here, cuz I don't see any other pieces like this, but here it goes:
Girl, when I see you, I feel like I wanna faint I wanna make you my boo. Take you out on a date I hope I’m not late, cuz I wanna steal your heart Jus like a bank robber, but that’s not where I’ll start Awesome personality, body, and brains. You’re a piece of art You got everything to drive a brother insane, like a Wal-Mart But when I try to talk to you… my mouth just drops I can’t get out a word… my mind just stops I got so much to say to you ‘bout how I really feel ‘Bout wat I would pay to do, to show you that I’m fo reel It’s so surreal, I don’t look when you pass me in the hall But when you pass, I turn around, and then I trip and fall I can’t stop thinkin’ of you… I think I’m obsessed Knowin’ that I can’t talk to you, gets me so depressed I wanted those feelings to be suppressed, so I took a chance I would do anything to impress… to get me outta this trance The next day at school, when I saw you pass me by I actually looked at you, and gave you a big smile I then called you over to my locker, and I did what I wanted to do For the longest time, I finally said “I love you” Be honest wit ur feedback. PEACE |
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03-25-04, 09:36 PM | #2 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 1424 2422
Thats realy tyte. Love it. Awww my heart wud' melt if my boyfriend wrote that for me ... Keep it up.
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03-25-04, 09:41 PM | #3 | |||
look at this
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IP: 225A 1A09
itz tite 2 femalez az u can see an u got nice wordplay in it but i dont feal usher type of flowz but do tha damn thang mr. beyonce
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03-25-04, 09:44 PM | #4 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 0ABC 464B
lol at Mr. Beyonce. Thanks for the compliments Jixi. More feedback
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03-25-04, 10:13 PM | #5 | ||||
....Trunks R 4 Bodies....
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IP: 0ABC 464B
hot shit!
I hope it got you the girl...... one love...... |
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03-25-04, 11:10 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: C1DA C961
That was some good shit, For trying something new.
I fell u young |
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03-26-04, 02:05 AM | #7 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 525D FF37
very noce
nice flow nice vocab good metas great i give u a 8/10
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O.Y.D. |
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03-26-04, 02:20 AM | #8 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 17CE E4CD
I feel you bother, the being in love part its a damn natural disaster the way women can effect a man.
Give that poem/rap to her, women LOVE that shit. Theres no limit to how much women love that shit but the obsessed part can scare them sometimes. |
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03-26-04, 09:44 AM | #9 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 03C2 3387
thanks for all the compliments. Yea, I'll get that obsessed part out. PEACE
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03-26-04, 09:21 PM | #10 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: C1DA C961
anymore feedback?
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03-27-04, 12:17 AM | #11 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 17CE E4CD
Yeah heres more feedback- write another one.
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03-27-04, 10:30 AM | #12 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 3240 794D
What, you mean another one like this or just another open mic?
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03-27-04, 11:46 AM | #13 | ||||
♡»..::[[.вlιиgαα.]]::..«♡
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IP: 4C8F 0F5D
Nice SPuL, I Like That... *Propz* You Had Good Vocab, Structure, Mutlies, Creativity, And All That Shit, Tight Drop Playa, I Can Respect Where Your Coming From With That!! Itz All Good' All Around Boi, lol DAMN I Wish My "Man" Would Resite That Kinda Shit To Me' But It Aint Happenin (Lol)
Overall: I Thought It Was Tight I Really Enjoyed It!!!! Keep Up The Good Work Playa (Im Out) Wun Luv,
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|[. You're annoying. Fuck off .]|
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03-27-04, 12:24 PM | #14 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: 3240 794D
i'm not a big fan of this kind of rap but this one was ok but dont do this all the time and he's not mr. beyonce he's mr. no your right he's mr. beyonce
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[IMG][/IMG] |
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03-27-04, 01:21 PM | #15 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 0934 DA79
wal mart drives you insane too?
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