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-   -   Phase 2! (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=123259)

D-Bate 05-09-04 03:31 PM

Phase 2!
 
Out with the Old, in with the new/
Phase 1 has run, into the new Phase 2/
dont fuck with us, kuz we'll kill you too/
Lyrics hit harder, than a fuckin Grenade/
bitch, keep talkin and your gonna get slain/
you gonna feel the reign, of this bomb Campaign/
When I step in the club, Bitches Run to my Table/
wonderin if I am stable/
watch the cable, television/
like a Vision of death, you runnin outta breathe/
kuz I busted through your vest, and left one in your chest!!

Lil bit of a free verse, How is it ??

D-Bate 05-09-04 04:02 PM

Can I get some Feed Back???

SpokenBluntly 05-09-04 06:19 PM

alright pa u need better structure...it looks like a paragraph..ur rhymes would be more clear if u had better structure...u had some good rhymes u really did..but with structure..better word play and some good multies...It'd be hot...and up ur vocab..pa *uno*

SB

Identity2k 05-09-04 06:48 PM

yo this shit was aight, coulda been better tho. insted of doing 3 lines with the same rhyme on it got with 2 or 4 cuz 3 is an odd number and that messes up ya flow. and try not to juss go from 1 thing to another.

I. Mind 05-09-04 08:02 PM

dawg..u need to think of better vocab..thats all i gotta say..though this is pretty good for a newb


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