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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-09-04, 03:31 PM
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#1
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New to RB
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Phase 2!
IP: C0C4 704D
Out with the Old, in with the new/
Phase 1 has run, into the new Phase 2/ dont fuck with us, kuz we'll kill you too/ Lyrics hit harder, than a fuckin Grenade/ bitch, keep talkin and your gonna get slain/ you gonna feel the reign, of this bomb Campaign/ When I step in the club, Bitches Run to my Table/ wonderin if I am stable/ watch the cable, television/ like a Vision of death, you runnin outta breathe/ kuz I busted through your vest, and left one in your chest!! Lil bit of a free verse, How is it ?? Last edited by D-Bate : 05-09-04 at 06:41 PM. |
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05-09-04, 04:02 PM
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#2
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New to RB
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IP: C0C4 704D
Can I get some Feed Back???
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05-09-04, 06:19 PM
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#3
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*Da FeMaLe BaNdIT*
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IP: 79D3 817A
alright pa u need better structure...it looks like a paragraph..ur rhymes would be more clear if u had better structure...u had some good rhymes u really did..but with structure..better word play and some good multies...It'd be hot...and up ur vocab..pa *uno*
SB
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BATHING APE...(BAPE) FANATIC....  
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05-09-04, 06:48 PM
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#4
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Flyweight
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IP: 4289 77F4
yo this shit was aight, coulda been better tho. insted of doing 3 lines with the same rhyme on it got with 2 or 4 cuz 3 is an odd number and that messes up ya flow. and try not to juss go from 1 thing to another.
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ya numba done came// and crumbled ya fame// into a ball' a umbrulla disolves into flames// u under my REIGN//-Royce da 5'9'' why do it// knowin u can light my saliva like lighta fluid//-Royce da 5'9''
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05-09-04, 08:02 PM
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#5
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G.Y.T.
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IP: EC0B 84C7
dawg..u need to think of better vocab..thats all i gotta say..though this is pretty good for a newb
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