newbie trying ta make a name...
 

imma drop some shit to get critiqued...hit up on it...

let it be known, my tempers shorter than al capone/
im rockin' the zone, while ya'll niggas is pickin on bones/
yo shits blown/
like a speaker bitch when i penetrate/
make ya'll bitches wanna try, but just couldnt relate/
im in a whole nother state/
when im rockin the mic, these fake ass bitches sock it to me but i keep this shit tight/
i shine bright, admist the night/
with might, i crack your eardrum/
yo shit it sounds dumb/
i'll let the Cali Agents spit it, "neva forget where you came from"/
with these drums i make sound/
and with these thoughts i manifest/
i spit it loud and obnoxious, to bound and strike the hearts of the deaf/
with no contest/
i stand ecstatically/
the master of this galaxy/
while hip-hops bleedin the truth, industry niggas is stabbin with fallacy, its maddening/

a bit short but fuck...

hit up on this shit...need some feedback...the truth never hurts...peace :laugh2:

I think you show real potential, but you have to work on your rhyme structure- that way anyone can read it to a beat. Your wordplay is decent but you need to incorporate more punchlines...all in all I say Keep elevatin cuz your on your way to nasty.

that was pretty good for one of your first posts, try to up your game though

much thanx...learnin' shit...

i wasnt feelin ti to much but it wasnt to badd keep elevatin iight.........................................