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In you
in art class when i was in in school suspension, my art teacher gave me a painting to look at. It was a old black man, sitting on a park bench, with a weathered, sad expression on his face, and i beleive a beer in his hand. it inspired me to write this.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1499139 magically// tragedy and poverty's intertwined in a contrast tapestry// contrast to happy it has to be// after weeks// of unfortunate happenings// still have the seeds of sinful acts to reap// broken soul and home that's candle lit and bleak// interwoven to surprise// immortally moist eyes// cascading with grief// emitting a small cry for the weak// so easy to me// to continue an endless cycle of self pity for loss of the dreams// that keep me from crossin it seems// this line thin as string// my life's wide as a hair and it's losing it's lenghth// with each use of a drink// to lesson self abuse when i think// about how life's through in a blink// sometimes we're all on the brink// sometimes i wish 'good' was a pool that i could fall in and sink// |
it had the vocab flow but your punches were wack
vocab: 7/10 flow: 6/10 punches: 3/10 ovverall 5/10 it was alright now the greatest |
it's not a battle verse, buddy. So it's not meant to have punches.
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Not to bad but I wasnt feelin the beat. Still some nice flowin and you could really see the picture in your head.
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You need to elevate you also need to obey rules
Read the rule about link's. if you want this open mic to stay open. |
i don't understand what the problem is, i read through the open mic rules, and i put a link there, what'd i do wrong?
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