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-   -   A Modern Jesus (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=146351)

LyRiKaLMiRiKaL 08-30-04 04:30 PM

A Modern Jesus
 
A Modern Jesus

Pavement pounding at my feet, the grip of hate pounding at my chest
Shadows cast no light that surrounds me, I've been taken down like the rest
I struggle down this street, torn down buildings crawl across my eyes
Dress in these shreds, and dirt, I cannot cover up wit disguise
I bear all, watch me, scream obscenities as I pass
But sins are forgiven, so your taunts cannot last
Oak coffins sit in the middle of my journey
Blood trickles down off my thoughts, the same thoughts that scare me
Crucify my battered body, but wear my crucifix
I will die for you, struggling as I take the licks you dish
2 men lay before me, I am viewed at their status
So as I take my place with thieves and murderers, and lie down in my casket
You can bury me as deep as you want, I will still ascend
Sacrificing for you, in a place called Heaven.

LyRiKaLMiRiKaL 08-30-04 07:23 PM

some feedback would be much appreciated thank you....

fluidmoon 08-31-04 06:18 PM

nice piece, very difficult to capture jesus' thoughts and feelings for obvious reasons, but deep enough to consider that we are all one and feel all, nice portrayal though and imagery in the scenes you described, good job on this..........1

BZ No Mercy 08-31-04 11:41 PM

Nice, def feeling that dawg, that is REAL..thats what I'm talkin about...

SycklyFlowetic 09-01-04 12:02 AM

this one wasnt as good as your other one, but still not bad

LyRiKaLMiRiKaL 09-01-04 12:07 AM

thanx for all the feed fellas

selah david 09-02-04 03:47 PM

I like the imagery but sometimes I get a little sensitive about jesus comparisions, like jay-z and the whole jay-hovah (jehovah) thing. But I'm intersetd in you explaining to me what this poem is about and why you wrote it. So holla back at me.

Selah(think about it)

Check my poem "higher" in the open mic sec. It's dated 8/9/04. And check the explanation behind my signature "Most Intellects Do Not Believe In God". It's in the Lyricist Lounge and it's dated 9/2/04

G_$peed 09-02-04 08:16 PM

um i was feelin yo poem man...


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