I'm A Soldier
 

Any given day we stay strapped wit two gats that’ll end your life for a fact//
What we pack you dudes simply lack and we stack our guns wit bullets that explode on impact//
Expect a war when we come wit the four that buss more then a slutty whore//
The 5th sounds like a lion roar and when the eagle bullets soar you should already know your hittin the floor//
Not enough smarts and to much heart makes us grab them hawks and slice ya body apart//
After the slicing get buried in the park that way the cops gotta be Dora and explore to find ya parts//
When the shotguns blast I suggest you duck that ass or end up in a full body cast//
Put niggas on they ass when they talk that trash I make sure a bullet in they gut give em a big gash//
I’m a soldierz so I move at night every step is slight until your right in my sight//
On the building wit the scope waitin for the green light…one shot outta the rifle is all it takes to end the fight//
I move wit the hawk like I move wit a sword so it’s a stab to the neck that sends you to the lord//
Make you like children under the stairs cause your body will be livin under the floor boards//
I’m nothing nice cause I move so precise wit a heater device//
That’ll cause you your life so think twice before you talk and just roll like some dice//
I roll wit angels cause they know my hands are always ready to strangle//
The tech blast leave ya body mangled…and believe me this is true like Kurt Angle//
I shot and aim and leave no more of ya body standing//
My aim is outstanding cause one shot outta the nine will leave a scare of your body like you got branded//

Drop Me Some feed.....

uppin...can I get some feed? I'm given everybody eles feed. Damn!

i'm sorry this isn't really a crit
but you should structure it better
cuz ppl look at ya verse and get woozy

but when they see a name by your post thewy should crit it anyway though :)

yo shit is hella wack you cannot rap dogg

w/e nigga...what kind of fuckin feed is that? Even if it was wack tell me what the hell I did wrong..not some stupid shit you said. Battle me...the only way it'll get settled.

yo man elevate no hate...

there is no hate...well there is. I hate it when people type stupid shit like he did. I understand if he was like I didn't like it..you need to elevate. He types stupid shit.

yer man yah verse was pretty weak i would have to say if u fix yah structure up and get some flow happenin u should elvate more on ya battle then drop some more keys and elevate to the fullest just get real active and practice but mayne yah verse was SHIT no hate

just like ya record...nah, thanks for da feedback. I'll battle anybody if they want to.

yea u needa elevate, u got potential, u gotta make ya shit mo complex and wit hard punchez, stay up^

yeah dog u gotta elevate.. not bad for a newb but if u elevate u can get better fo sure

Better structure... Kinda weak too. It only got worse as I read. The first 2 or 3 bars were pretty good. But ya man, keep practicin. i sucked my first spit too but Im way better now. At least I think so.

yeah it was alrite but u need to work on ur structure. i think u were tryin to fit in too many words so the whole thing wasnt balanced. but jus keep workin on that and u'll get better. i like the idea though

yours wasiight ya ahd some messed up strucutre and flow but it was iight
feedback my open mic http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=147094