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never-ending...
as quiet laughter fills the room.. my visions still blurred.. i can feel the pupils staring.. but yet no one says a word.. as my nerves tense up... i feel the steady beating in my chest.. the worst pain has past... now nothing left but the best.. my mind slowly eases.. and i take one last breath... I know it seems to early.. but its my time to meet death.. the sorrows never ending.. but i know my secrets you'll keep.. as i face the facts of manhood... i take the fatal leap.... Zane Eury 12-21-04 |
this was ah'ight...a little too simplistic in my opnion...get more metaphorically wit ya poetry...if you had made ya lines more complex...u woulda had a stronger piece but as is...its a solid....7/10...stay up...good job
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^ agreed, it was really simple... but very deep in the same. Wasnt too bad of a drop... Just lookin for more metaphors, similes, vocab here and there. This was just too basic for me... 6/10
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uuuuuppppppppiiiiiiinnnnn
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