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-   -   The Final Kiss (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=167468)

Crossword 12-21-04 10:06 PM

The Final Kiss
 
Our false sense of immortality blocks the reality
Where some live to the brink of death in a fogged fantasy
Until it becomes too obvious the danger we're facing
Then faces become stained with the painful realization
A mother sees and kisses her daughter goodbye
Unknowing fate places this her one last time
That she could gaze into her babys eager eyes
That matched the uplifting clear summer day skies
As she set off to school, like every other day
To return home again with so much to say
To amaze her family with her intellectual acheivments
But today, became a date thats only described in greivance
As she started off her walk, Taunting the dog next door
A window cracked open, and the sound of a car horn
A man, with the most trusting and seductive voice
Calls out her name, motions her to the rolls royce
That was the last anyone has heard her sing
Twas that day that Fate grabbed her string
Streched it to its point, and grabbed their scissors
The reaper grabbed his scythe,the final time she kissed her


Tis a topical on death and losing. The line limit was only 20, so i had to squeeze the story in there. Feedback please.

..Decree.. 12-21-04 10:33 PM

oh i liked this the ending was goood nice shit here man glad to see you back an doing big things for yourself an The Committee........:thumbup:

Wet Willy 12-23-04 09:26 AM

nice... i liked the story.. but i wasn't feeling all the vocab.. i think it sounded a little forced.. but it was still dope... 7/10

Crossword 12-23-04 12:55 PM

word, the vocab actually just flowed out. But it still sounds a bit forced i guess.. Thanks.

Wet Willy 12-24-04 09:13 AM

o yeah it flows.. good. but it seems like it used in area's where it shouldnt be..


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