When Loves Ones Fall
 

I lost a GOOD friend, n i coulda stopped da whole thing:(...n i just had to write about it...peep it..

It was a cold night, rain fell, streets was soaked-
When a dark figure, bone face, pulled you in his cloak-
I tried to intervene, but you had already left-
Tears fell from my eyes as I pounded on your chest-
The phone rang, shortly after the medics came in-
I guess I forgot I dialed them when the demon came in-
I sat in the back, arms folded, one hand over my eyes-
Lips swollen, cheeks red, his life jerked away from mine-
God why did you have to take him, he wasn't ready yet-
You make me wanna die when i sleep, where's Freddy at-
Or where's Jason’s machete at, I can't find either-
Why must I suffer inhaling like nicotine breathers-
I still sit, still think, still miss the old times-
I wish I had a control on time so I could just rewind-
But I can't, now I just wish it were different-
Cause if I had the chance, I woulda traded places with you in an instant....

very touchin' piece.short n sweet.structure is good and content is good too.keep em comin'

thanx 4 da feed...uppin dis shit

yo lil C what up. nice work here. i liked it very emotional. if you hadnt already figured it out i am djb from groundbattles. we were mod together for like 5 days.lol. but i liked this a lot very emotional nice rhyme scheme and content good work.

deep as hell......i kno wut u mean i lost 2 people real close 2 me xcept i was young when it happened. keep droppin stuff like dis cuz its some of tha best i've seen.

nice, good vibe, deep and serious, good content, gave realness and sadness of the story, easy to understand yet advanced enough, good flow and vocab, only criticism is I want more, give it a lil more length, nice drop though fo sho 8/10

would appreciate feedback returned, check threads in sig

thanx 4 da feed guys...uppin 4 some more feed...oooo n yea i wrote more to dis will post it up later