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Affection To The World...
My Friend Furi Goes First....
Then Me..... ================== Dear People, It Is Wat It Is…. Turn my back on the world to face space the stars' dreams I trace like an ace bard ponderin why day-to-day existence is so hard have we triumphed over the vanguard or has the Lord yet to play his trump card…….Beggin for hints but none given like bad coachin like 'surfers doomed to fail' inevitable wipeout approachin encroachin upon us like animal poachin for failin to learn to cooperate amongst ourselves like ants creepin across the cabinet shelves……May you find light in peace for mine engulfs in me in darkness like drowning in black seas that are sharkless it entangles me in the underworld criminal of minimal thoughts outside of profit gain at the expense of pain tryin to resist in vain this place called home...such a shame paradise was never lost it was simply never maintained….. The Reason Behind It: In world performed evil, trained to become my own teacher it feels I was never born equal… Ina one shot take wit no sequel… ….it feels like “society sliced my torso” the way im “spilling my heart out for the people”… My stress relieves concscience… any problem i face is pure nonsense….like a slave im deprived to speak knowledge… …yet theres mystiques on us….cuz I can’t even get back a favor “when I put my life on the line” like “circus trapeze artists”…. …This need for affection flys through my nerves…like I “switched the places of oceans” every where I go the “tides have been turned”… ….constantly reminded to serve….But as if I was “walkin out of a room full of globes” I “turned my back on the world”…. Im drowned under my plunder …. Every human ive seen seems in a place without a trouble…. Y do I feel im about to crumble… ……like I was “walkin in a cave with no exits” I doubt ill ever find “my light at the ends of tunnels”… Breathing so hard the world can taste my breathe...greet me at the top when I climb the endless steps… as paint a smile in times I felt my best …. …… Like “isolated people masking their results”…im headin out “standing alone in the face of death”… Signed, Furioso & The InsighT -1- |
uppin
this shit....drop links ill return the favor |
1st verse prolly wouldve been better if i couldve followed the flow but
the structure killed any chance of that,"switch it up maybe" the rest was quite stretched, but had decent content, vocab was above average ,......i can see you got some skill but the lines are crazy long maybe try n fix that a little...overall it was decent, stay up man |
Your Lines Were Pretty Stretched To Start Off..
Your Structure Was Off, Try To Shorten Up, Your Bars, Match The Lines Up...Nice Imagery , And Good Feeling Your Vocab Was Good , Well Above What Others Have Done... Wordplay Was Good, Your Had A Good Concept, You Really Grabbed ... The Concept, Overall Keep it up, Try To Shortten Up Your Lines , And Match Up Your Bars, Keep it up And Drop A Link Or This Will Be Closed |
appreciate the feeeed.......
here that link for u http://community.rapverse.com/showp...181&postcount=5 uppin |
uppin this again
damn |
Not a bad job, but you need to work on rhymescheme. I understood what you were saying, not exactly my favorite as styles go, but you did ur thing. Work on more complex vocab, better rhyescheme and structure. Stay up.
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'preciate it
uppin |
itte that was an tight drop
But essentialy shortin the lines next time and it will be emcee .. Couldn't give that dissrepect' Quote:
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