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04-24-05, 02:20 PM | #1 | |||
New to RV
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Affection To The World...
IP: BC84 9436
My Friend Furi Goes First....
Then Me..... ================== Dear People, It Is Wat It Is…. Turn my back on the world to face space the stars' dreams I trace like an ace bard ponderin why day-to-day existence is so hard have we triumphed over the vanguard or has the Lord yet to play his trump card…….Beggin for hints but none given like bad coachin like 'surfers doomed to fail' inevitable wipeout approachin encroachin upon us like animal poachin for failin to learn to cooperate amongst ourselves like ants creepin across the cabinet shelves……May you find light in peace for mine engulfs in me in darkness like drowning in black seas that are sharkless it entangles me in the underworld criminal of minimal thoughts outside of profit gain at the expense of pain tryin to resist in vain this place called home...such a shame paradise was never lost it was simply never maintained….. The Reason Behind It: In world performed evil, trained to become my own teacher it feels I was never born equal… Ina one shot take wit no sequel… ….it feels like “society sliced my torso” the way im “spilling my heart out for the people”… My stress relieves concscience… any problem i face is pure nonsense….like a slave im deprived to speak knowledge… …yet theres mystiques on us….cuz I can’t even get back a favor “when I put my life on the line” like “circus trapeze artists”…. …This need for affection flys through my nerves…like I “switched the places of oceans” every where I go the “tides have been turned”… ….constantly reminded to serve….But as if I was “walkin out of a room full of globes” I “turned my back on the world”…. Im drowned under my plunder …. Every human ive seen seems in a place without a trouble…. Y do I feel im about to crumble… ……like I was “walkin in a cave with no exits” I doubt ill ever find “my light at the ends of tunnels”… Breathing so hard the world can taste my breathe...greet me at the top when I climb the endless steps… as paint a smile in times I felt my best …. …… Like “isolated people masking their results”…im headin out “standing alone in the face of death”… Signed, Furioso & The InsighT -1-
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04-24-05, 02:47 PM | #2 | |||
New to RV
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IP: BC84 9436
uppin
this shit....drop links ill return the favor
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04-24-05, 02:51 PM | #3 | ||||
leave you rest'n pz's
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IP: 0CC4 EFEF
1st verse prolly wouldve been better if i couldve followed the flow but
the structure killed any chance of that,"switch it up maybe" the rest was quite stretched, but had decent content, vocab was above average ,......i can see you got some skill but the lines are crazy long maybe try n fix that a little...overall it was decent, stay up man
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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts what the fuck, was you high..? did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...! . . fake fucks..move on...! |
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04-24-05, 03:06 PM | #4 | ||||
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IP: 3240 794D
Your Lines Were Pretty Stretched To Start Off..
Your Structure Was Off, Try To Shorten Up, Your Bars, Match The Lines Up...Nice Imagery , And Good Feeling Your Vocab Was Good , Well Above What Others Have Done... Wordplay Was Good, Your Had A Good Concept, You Really Grabbed ... The Concept, Overall Keep it up, Try To Shortten Up Your Lines , And Match Up Your Bars, Keep it up And Drop A Link Or This Will Be Closed
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The Competition
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04-24-05, 03:58 PM | #5 | |||
New to RV
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IP: BC84 9436
appreciate the feeeed.......
here that link for u http://community.rapverse.com/showp...181&postcount=5 uppin
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04-24-05, 05:51 PM | #6 | |||
New to RV
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IP: FE02 3CAB
uppin this again
damn
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04-24-05, 05:55 PM | #7 | |||||
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
Not a bad job, but you need to work on rhymescheme. I understood what you were saying, not exactly my favorite as styles go, but you did ur thing. Work on more complex vocab, better rhyescheme and structure. Stay up.
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04-24-05, 06:49 PM | #8 | |||
New to RV
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IP: FE02 3CAB
'preciate it
uppin
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04-24-05, 08:16 PM | #9 | ||||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 96B6 827E
itte that was an tight drop
But essentialy shortin the lines next time and it will be emcee .. Couldn't give that dissrepect' Quote:
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