The Liberation
 

I make the movement, make the call, make army rise
join my world, if you wanna stay alive take my advice
Be careful, there's only one chance, u gotta be wise
only one team will rule, only one will get the last slice
pick up your guns, c'mon get up nigga don't fall
load that nine, nigga now get ready to rock n' roll
Known California to Miami, Rule Nevada to New York
this ain't nuttin old, these is a brand new work
no math knowledge, no Napoleon or Revolutions shit
this is only rhyme, flow, structure and arrange ur spit
I know, I know, I've always gotta miss sumthin
cuz niggaz on here think they da only ones stuntin
I'm the start of a new hip hop culture generation
we all prisioners in this city, is time for liberation
I still don't think wazzup with my life, fuck it
get high, fuck bitches, drop in sites, get lucky
I now can imagine a bran new bling bling, mine's fake
30 dollars right outside of Disneyland, piece of cake
I don't know my style, fuck bitches I only care bout 24's
maybe later I'll be changin and I'll be likin hoes
Escalade, money, bling bling I want it all like warren G
I'm a fuckin bad influence, anyway gorw to be like me

hahahahaha....

rate plz!!!!!!!!

link,^^^^^^^^^, i will edit in feedback...ax..lol(this is what i mean)
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heres a tip, you can edit your post,...like i just did...
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break down..
I make the movement, make the call, make army rise
join my world, if you wanna stay alive take my advice
^^use of multis would help your flow out alot
Be careful, there's only one chance, u gotta be wise
only one team will rule, only one will get the last slice
^^worded funny, try to make it fluent...easy to spit
pick up your guns, c'mon get up nigga don't fall
load that nine, nigga now get ready to rock n' roll
^^forced rhyme scheme.....right here............^^
Known California to Miami, Rule Nevada to New York
this ain't nuttin old, these is a brand new work
^^syllable counts a lil off on this 2nd line
no math knowledge, no Napoleon or Revolutions shit
this is only rhyme, flow, structure and arrange ur spit
^^hmm, choppy bars, it doesnt flow well
I know, I know, I've always gotta miss sumthin
cuz niggaz on here think they da only ones stuntin
^^??..ok,......stunt=bad...you just dissed yaself?
I'm the start of a new hip hop culture generation
we all prisioners in this city, is time for liberation
^^should work on your punctuation,
I still don't think wazzup with my life, fuck it
get high, fuck bitches, drop in sites, get lucky
^^way forced ryhme but it flowed ok...
I now can imagine a bran new bling bling, mine's fake
30 dollars right outside of Disneyland, piece of cake
^^lol,....really, i still dont kno why ya dissin yaself ax
I don't know my style, fuck bitches I only care bout 24's
maybe later I'll be changin and I'll be likin hoes(whores)
^^just put that in there.,ulternate wording can help your
ryhme scheme and flow out, good example right there^
Escalade, money, bling bling I want it all like warren G
I'm a fuckin bad influence, anyway gorw to be like me
^^not a good closer, it had no real content, but sa'll good
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your elevated a little since ya last drop i left feed on....
your structures gotten better, as has your vocab..
but your still not putting good content in your verses
get away from the gun shit n gangsta crap, get creative
with ya material....you miost definately havta work on
your punctuation within a verse...its a key element
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no hate but this was wrote like a 12 year old british kid
just learning punctuation.......if your are 12 n brit
and just learning punctuation....my bad, wasnt tryin to hate...pz
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:thumbup:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=189354
dunno what u mean lol

but i didn't understood that punctuation shit