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-   -   Prison State of Mind (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193914)

DQ 06-05-05 07:36 AM

Prison State of Mind
 
Prison State of Mind
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.
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Curtains closed, lights dimmed, some faintly flickering candles
Escaping satirical scandals, how malignant media mishandles
Empty notepad as my words freely float around in atmosphere
Blocked by brainwashing remarks of sharks eager to profiteer
Of my thorough talent but unaware they’re destroying my skills
Terrified to tell the torturing threats filling me as I utter soft shrills
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.
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Silently sitting still, awaiting for creativity to finally fall upon me
But my mind dares not to free its power, so caged by boundary
For they will steal my genius ideas like a mere thief in the night
And so I refuse to ignite my ability to write as an undivided right
I gradually gaze around me to see piranhas creepily closing in
Put myself in mental prison, paranoia as my sweet, chosen sin
For I feel bold beast’s breathe in my neck, desiring my demise
All alone without any allies, craving for the moon’s dun disguise
No one on eerie earth is worth my trust, guided by luscious lust
Merely money as must, blinded by wealth which wakes disgust
Trapped in careful consciousness that limits my sole potential
Cannot shout out loud, gone is freedom as good life’s essential
.
.
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Fluorescent lights shining down on me, no more pen nor pad
Ghosts dressed in white coats staring, whispering: “how sad
When you think about talent she had, artists always go mental
They are lived by society until their fame turns too detrimental
Getting locked up inside a fantasy world they came to create
Example of mental clinic’s bait for it’s an artist’s inevitable fate”



Links: King Solo - CALI diss
OSB n Drakel - The Storm

DQ 06-05-05 01:42 PM

Bumpity Bump Bump

DQ 06-06-05 12:13 PM

No one feeding? :(

Xenofly 06-06-05 02:11 PM

I like it if it's a poem but if it's a rap it has no flow.

But I'm gonna assume it's a poem and I must say great use of the creative techniques.
Metas galore, alliteration, similies, the worx.
Interesting mixed up rhymeing scheme I'm guessing this is 2 mirror the persona's mixed up state of mind. Very clever and creative - O and also with the different stanza lengths, nice.

Btw Queen did u used 2 post on collosal minds?

DQ 06-06-05 02:33 PM

^Nope, haven't been on collosal minds :)

Thanks for feed btw, was going for the more poetic vibe indeed :thumbup:

PrahJect 06-06-05 02:37 PM

I gradually gaze around me to see piranhas creepily closing in
Put myself in mental prison, paranoia as my sweet, chosen sin
For I feel bold beast’s breathe in my neck, desiring my demise
All alone without any allies, craving for the moon’s dun disguise


This was a hot drop ma....deep shit....Im feelin this. I give it 8.5/10, you real deep. Sentence Structure was on top, imagery was the maint feel IMO....cant be mad at this....holla at my new OM....."let loose" link in sig....

DQ 06-06-05 04:36 PM

^Thanks for feed, much appreciated

DQ 06-07-05 11:29 AM

Bumpin this shizzle all the way to the very top :thumbup:

Sixth Sense 06-07-05 05:36 PM

Quote:
Curtains closed, lights dimmed, some faintly flickering candles
Escaping satirical scandals, how malignant media mishandles
Empty notepad as my words freely float around in atmosphere
Blocked by brainwashing remarks of sharks eager to profiteer



ok this was way good liked the whole concept the vocabulary was way outstandin and especially the words that u used to describe everythin made me feel a picture in my mind that is very good not alot of ppl can do that this is a very outstandin piece and the lines above i thought were the best in the piece it felt very deep so good job on this piece keep doin what u doin good job

Calypso 06-07-05 05:55 PM

What can I say? Very deep shit, I liked it a lot. Very creative with your imagery and good vocab...this had it all. You should do the poem shit on the site or topical battles you seem like you'd be real good on those

DQ 06-08-05 12:41 PM

^Hehe, thanks I already do all of that :thumbup:

Feed is much appreciated, I'll RTF as soon as I can (bit caught up in my exams)

AckRite 06-08-05 07:09 PM

Loved This Shit Ma....Could Feel What You Was Sayin Shit Was Real Deep....Openin Lines Had Me Hooked So I Had 2 Read Tha Whole Thing....10/10

Check Mines Wheneva...

DQ 06-09-05 07:44 AM

^Will do, y'all gotta gimme some time though cause I'm so caught up in these exams ya kno...

DQ 06-23-05 11:41 AM

Aight, uppin this once again, I'll RTF if you drop the links :thumbup:


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