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Sixth Sense 06-06-05 10:52 AM

Pain and Suffering
 
Pain and Suffering

I feel a great discomfort in my mind, it is very serious
The acutely unpleasant physical discomfort I experience
Takes me to certain limits I can’t withstand with all my powers
Mind burning, cells destroyed, can explode like volcanoes in any hour
The pain why do I have to suffer from this… was this fate?
Want to escape the pain; I want to get out the narrowed gate
The hole is too small for me to fit but can I jump?
Still the pain in my mind figures out that I’m dumb
More suffering can come even if I try to leave it
Cells in me comes through my body so it bleeds it
Out of me, but I can still experience pain there’s no change
So vivid u can actually see the bloody words even on the page
No band-aids can stop the bleeding, I just must endure
No healing, no therapy, no remedy there’s merely no cure
Still pain and suffering can come back so its better just kept
Even how difficult it is to swallow the bitter pill and accept

Sixth Sense 06-06-05 10:54 AM

Links-
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=194010
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193683

PrahJect 06-06-05 02:40 PM

Yo man u got real hot flow man....imagery great...sentence structure...try use more word play and multies....

ut of me, but I can still experience pain there’s no change
So vivid u can actually see the bloody words even on the page
No band-aids can stop the bleeding, I just must endure
No healing, no therapy, no remedy there’s merely no cure
Still pain and suffering can come back so its better just kept
Even how difficult it is to swallow the bitter pill and accept

best bit.....7.5/10....return the favor....to my OM "Let Loose"...peaceee...~1~

DQ 06-06-05 02:45 PM

Liked this piece in fact, nice concept you worked out here. Managed to portray a clear image of the scene, of the pain and suffering. Emotion was strong aspect as well, vocab was on point and flow was good, structure's cool.

I can't wait to read more from you because this the first thing I have read and so far I like your style :thumbup:

Sixth Sense 06-06-05 07:02 PM

thnx for the comments above pplz thnx u alot i will leave feedback on yall OM's 2morrow thnx u

uppin this

Sixth Sense 06-07-05 05:31 PM

uppin for more feedback pplz plz thnx in advance

Sixth Sense 06-07-05 09:24 PM

uppin cmon pplz askin for more feed aight stop sleepin

Sixth Sense 06-08-05 07:00 AM

uppin this plz leave feed

Sixth Sense 06-08-05 05:53 PM

yo uppin this man plz leave feedback ok pplz cmon stop sleepin

Sixth Sense 06-09-05 01:39 PM

nobody leaves feed uppin this again for feedback

Malone Aka 06-10-05 03:04 AM

blah blah blah... too many dudes on your dick....


content was good.. thats a plus.. your one word 2 syllable endings made for really boring reading.. guess it wasnt the greatest thing ive ever read.. just needs to be more complex for it to be to my liking..

Sixth Sense 06-10-05 08:07 AM

^^ok and u are?^^
TM thnx for the feedback but leave more lines cmon man what a respponse

well uppin this for some good feedback ok

Sixth Sense 06-11-05 05:30 PM

upppin this lets get some feed


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