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Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )
.....In someone else's point of veiw.
Twin Narrators | | | | *One story told by two diffirent perspectives* *Narrator 1: Jesus Christ* This kid was quite nice, Even though he sinned all his life So he spent all his nights, Tryin to repente back to Christ Slighty fixin his ties, By whispering cries that drift into sky His wisdom was blind, So diminished his vision was slight So sick of his eyes, he despised to even print out the light This kid was twisted inside, Till he realized he had a heart Right then the passion sparked,..Right passed his thoughts Passive parts, His massive props, had over lapse the dark To bring happy thoughts, Then gradually, sadden brought Madness arts that damaged lots, Damn, what a tragic loss Another rapper gone, vanished,captured by his own lyrics Shattered his own spirit, what kinda disasterous soul is this When every pastor an pope fears it?, But all that changed Becuase one day he called my name,...At the start of pray So I paused and wait, And listen as his thoughts explained His heart was pained, Harmed and slayed, Dark displayed It fell apart in days, So when it stopped he start complaints Stall, then starts to talk with God in vein, a promise breaks He contemplates, then stops the breaks like a parkin space He starts to stray, He's lost his ways,.....So he walks away *Narrator 2: The Devil* Straight from a bottomless pit,....Birthed from a army of six Spawned a problem within,...A dark consceince that sinned He promised hes sick, So twisted he'd spit an vomit on kids He's like a glitch in a document print, Makin the copier shift Harnesting the darkest of sins,...This kid is obviously a prick Everyone wishin he'd prolly just quit, but his pain is ageless Contained and sacred, His brain is basically based on hatred If he keeps pacing his frame he'd break it, his face is greyish He's just another face thats nameless, This lame's just basic His rage is caged in, It's outragous, how hes stays insane an Slaved to hatred, He paints the pages, that'll end his chapter So he trys to repente to pastors, clearin the sins he raptured But It just doesn't happen,...As quick as he did the bad work So now hes pissed an badgured, Wishing he did it backwards But hes to bussy dishin bad words, constantly dissin rappers Always from distant platforms, mixtures of evil hurt em badly Diffirent of people murked em nasty,he derserv'd the act see Actually worse then that heat,... But now his words are fancy Hes worth the happy, so he got baptise on a church's balcony |
Damn fam this was a pretty tight drop.. i was really feeling it..structure was on point..like how you made two perspectives ...really liked your wordplay and vocab usuage..you had alot of imagery..and good emotions..going into your drop..overalll keep it up nice drop
AND DROP A LINK! |
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Word, dont forget to nominate it for OM of the month. :thumbup:
Thanks again for the feed. Leave links I'll get to em. Upping. |
Done. :D
More feed people. |
dat was hell good. i was really feelin dat............9.99999999999/10
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Word, thanks for the feed you all.
Leave links I'll get to them. Upping. |
Nomore feed people ?
Upping, leave linky links. |
not bad... there were some grammatikal errors though.... for example:
Becuase one day he called my name,...At the start of pray So I paused and wait, And listen as his thoughts explained pray shoulda been prayer... but ya needed sum'n to rhyme with the next line then ya had paused and wait both should be in the past tense to make more sense of it... listen should have also been past tense.... there were a few more but they were all small things like the one listed above so no need to dwell on it... decent drop overall... multies splattered here and there... decent concept.... work on them lil things to perfect it 7.5/10 |
Very good piece, like it all, structure, imagery, etc. All good and realism was there. 9.9 outta 10 man. fo real.
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this was great, liked everything in it, no complaints here, keep it up man
RTF on my om's.......What is Love?.....and.........Christian Soldiers, thanks |
Word I'll get to them. Thanks for the feed.
Upping. |
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