.....In someone else's point of veiw.

Twin Narrators
|

|

|

|
*One story told by two diffirent perspectives*

*Narrator 1: Jesus Christ*
This kid was quite nice, Even though he sinned all his life
So he spent all his nights, Tryin to repente back to Christ
Slighty fixin his ties, By whispering cries that drift into sky
His wisdom was blind, So diminished his vision was slight
So sick of his eyes, he despised to even print out the light
This kid was twisted inside, Till he realized he had a heart
Right then the passion sparked,..Right passed his thoughts
Passive parts, His massive props, had over lapse the dark
To bring happy thoughts, Then gradually, sadden brought
Madness arts that damaged lots, Damn, what a tragic loss
Another rapper gone, vanished,captured by his own lyrics
Shattered his own spirit, what kinda disasterous soul is this
When every pastor an pope fears it?, But all that changed
Becuase one day he called my name,...At the start of pray
So I paused and wait, And listen as his thoughts explained
His heart was pained, Harmed and slayed, Dark displayed
It fell apart in days, So when it stopped he start complaints
Stall, then starts to talk with God in vein, a promise breaks
He contemplates, then stops the breaks like a parkin space
He starts to stray, He's lost his ways,.....So he walks away


*Narrator 2: The Devil*
Straight from a bottomless pit,....Birthed from a army of six
Spawned a problem within,...A dark consceince that sinned
He promised hes sick, So twisted he'd spit an vomit on kids
He's like a glitch in a document print, Makin the copier shift
Harnesting the darkest of sins,...This kid is obviously a prick
Everyone wishin he'd prolly just quit, but his pain is ageless
Contained and sacred, His brain is basically based on hatred
If he keeps pacing his frame he'd break it, his face is greyish
He's just another face thats nameless, This lame's just basic
His rage is caged in, It's outragous, how hes stays insane an
Slaved to hatred, He paints the pages, that'll end his chapter
So he trys to repente to pastors, clearin the sins he raptured
But It just doesn't happen,...As quick as he did the bad work
So now hes pissed an badgured, Wishing he did it backwards
But hes to bussy dishin bad words, constantly dissin rappers
Always from distant platforms, mixtures of evil hurt em badly
Diffirent of people murked em nasty,he derserv'd the act see
Actually worse then that heat,... But now his words are fancy
Hes worth the happy, so he got baptise on a church's balcony

__________________

Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )

First Love. ( Ft. BoneCollector. )

Eyes Of The Cutter. ( Own Expierience. )

..Text Battles..

Axel. Vs. .Smoke.

__________________

Oops Sorry.

Link:
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2310756

Thanks for the feed.

Uppin.

__________________

Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )

First Love. ( Ft. BoneCollector. )

Eyes Of The Cutter. ( Own Expierience. )

..Text Battles..

Axel. Vs. .Smoke.

Word, dont forget to nominate it for OM of the month.

Thanks again for the feed. Leave links I'll get to em.

Upping.

__________________

Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )

First Love. ( Ft. BoneCollector. )

Eyes Of The Cutter. ( Own Expierience. )

..Text Battles..

Axel. Vs. .Smoke.

Done.

More feed people.

__________________

Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )

First Love. ( Ft. BoneCollector. )

Eyes Of The Cutter. ( Own Expierience. )

..Text Battles..

Axel. Vs. .Smoke.

dat was hell good. i was really feelin dat............9.99999999999/10

__________________
Da King is here bitches.
Bow down.

Word, thanks for the feed you all.

Leave links I'll get to them.

Upping.

__________________

Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )

First Love. ( Ft. BoneCollector. )

Eyes Of The Cutter. ( Own Expierience. )

..Text Battles..

Axel. Vs. .Smoke.

Nomore feed people ?

Upping, leave linky links.

__________________

Jesus Vs. The Devil. ( My Life. )

First Love. ( Ft. BoneCollector. )

Eyes Of The Cutter. ( Own Expierience. )

..Text Battles..

Axel. Vs. .Smoke.

not bad... there were some grammatikal errors though.... for example:

Becuase one day he called my name,...At the start of pray
So I paused and wait, And listen as his thoughts explained

pray shoulda been prayer... but ya needed sum'n to rhyme with the next line

then ya had paused and wait both should be in the past tense to make more sense of it... listen should have also been past tense....

there were a few more but they were all small things like the one listed above so no need to dwell on it... decent drop overall... multies splattered here and there... decent concept.... work on them lil things to perfect it

7.5/10

__________________

CLICK DA SIGGY

Very good piece, like it all, structure, imagery, etc. All good and realism was there. 9.9 outta 10 man. fo real.

__________________


Sig Provided by: Christianite

3 nails + 1 cross = 4given
No matter how good you are there's always someone better.
I'm not the status quo stereotype you want me to be.

this was great, liked everything in it, no complaints here, keep it up man


RTF on my om's.......What is Love?.....and.........Christian Soldiers, thanks

__________________