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Defying The Odds
“Defying the Odds”
Thoughts of a cliff inching, skin pinching, heart wrenching lover Pitch hitting, Space fitting, beauty piercing cover As I fall to a slumber… wonder if that cover matches the words… Of my Childs mother… Not of the present, but instead blessing the future Intriguing eyes and her reasoning just gets even cuter Use her? Not possible, not of the logical She seems to pass emotions… it appears philosophical Enticing me as of now, as of later turned flammable Unexplainable… some thing so perfect and yet retainable Some points… Times went stale Kisses conceived nails… Sex usually immense… seemed to go frail But Love… installed in our hearts of iron and Marble Given these situations… It made us stronger without startle… Instead revealing success… Blessed with a partner Whose soul… mine would gladly invest We live every day as our last… A life conceived of Blissful passion pouring over the glass Consider this an equation… A blessing, God producing two to be so amazing So creating… Us as one world, together rotating …Slowly fading, slowly wading… Into an abyss revealed by Gods For keeping our love to the bible, “Defying the Odds.” ( I will be dropping OM's alot more... be lookin ) ( This is my last topical battle write over there at RB, tell me what you think... I dunno bout it yet... I took a different appraoch with the rhyme scheme and all... ) LINKS http://community.rapverse.com/showt...872#post2326872 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2326890 |
nice man... I felt good emotion but I wish it was a lot longer man, it'd be hella better with more length, the vocab was good but there was a lil bit of some sketchy rhymes, ur structure was great and went with the piece. I would like to hear the audio of this if possible(if it happens pm me please) great piece man keep writing.....8/10..coulda been longer....-PEACE
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this was cool, good imagery and emotion, vocab was good, good read from top to bottom, keep it up man
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^ Good lookin with the comments...
UPPIN |
this was a good drop u cud fix the structure doe but it was good nice emotion n imargery had good vocab 8/10
rtf http://community.rapverse.com/showt...t=201613&page=1 |
yeah im glad i read this man, overal a deep piece with nice imagery and emotion, this was a really good read!
…Slowly fading, slowly wading… Into an abyss revealed by Gods For keeping our love to the bible, “Defying the Odds.” I really liked the ending, good stuff! :) |
nice lil piece good imagery good flow good overalll I liked it alot i would rate this piece a 8/10...
rtf- Defying The odds(Link in sig) |
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