This was pretty decent... I liked the imagery and all of that... It would probably be best to work on structure, maybe shortin it up a little bit. You do real well at telling a story though. I liked that the most. Im not ganna say it wasnt the greatest... Because it wasnt, and im not going to say it was bad... because it wasnt. But it defedently showed something, you know. Keep the imagery, story, and leangth ( I liked how it was long )... work on vocab ( everyone gotta keep that in mind, lol ), and creativity... Think outside the box... wether its with emotions, ideas, exc...

nice work though 7/10


( I think me and you are battleing on RB in the SS... g/l, i put my shit down )

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