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Minds of Darkness
posted from today for yesterday My first ever OM: Minds of Darkness Mad Knight EC As the Darkness of the World engulfs us in its black mist For we can not see what is ahead of us,but we still move brisk Not knowing where to turn,run or hide now lost in are own thoughts Our emotions swaying like when the wind rocks sailing boats Senses which where stood be side us like County and soldier Now fallen to a command which none of them understood While we stand by and watch love take over life and war Things falling into places like a jigsaw, but much more in store Hook There's somthing that were trying to be, why can't we see, Were humans, we've got rights but this darkness is bleek, Things we can seek, a journey that we can take part in, But how can we rise when our minds are filled with darkness. Idea’s which once didn’t make sense come clear to all Living to die, dying to live but at the last hurdle we all fall Souls that lived on the happiness of the long journey slowly fade Our hearts that where crushed where someone else’s love betrayed Lives which all smelt the day breeze know all but forgotten But at this dying moment of life the ones you once loved are at the bottom Not much but i was going to do a second one but w/e ___________________ I will do my links in a minute |
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9/10...AMAZING...great imagery, great flow and great vocab...hook was simple but effective at the same time...I was really feelin this...if there was another verse itd be 10/10...keep it up
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Thanx dawg thats the best feed ive had back:D
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I was feelin this.
You've got imagery down pretty nice, cos I had to read through it twice to really get it. Vocab was alright, and i'll give you credit for pretty good diction. The flow reminded me a bit more of poetry than rap... Looks like you need to shorten the lines a bit to get it to flow like a track would, cos I saw the changing rhyme schemes and shit you used for flow so the length was the only thing wrong with the flow. Also maybe a few multis here and there to quicken it up a bit, but they're not necessary. Your metaphors seemed a bit simple to me.. If you're gonna put wordplay in a verse like this, it needs to be a bit more complex so it complements the other stuff. If you know what I mean. I might just be talking crap... I do that often. But anyway, other than those minor problems it was dope. 7/10 (thats good... im a hard marker :thumbup:) |
this was nice....a deep drop...i sensed some emotion in there too....the hook was good.....keep elevating as far as vocab goes but flow was on point and you had nice structure....keep it up
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nice drop feelin it but expand ya vocab and work on ya emotion liked this it was good drop 8/10 good first try keep up!
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Aiight Dawg Good Piece Here Some Meta's Here Nice Concept Man Deep Drop As Well Vocabulary Was On Target Very Nice Man Keep This Up HOF SOON |
wot this piece mite be up for HOF????
That would be nice lol:D Thanx for all the feedback!!!! |
Aight...
Nice concept you used here, it was insightful and interesting to read for a change. The imagery was pretty good, you used clear pictures to express certain ideas. You had some grammatical errors in there that annoyed me but I'm just bitching lolz. The emotion was raw, portraying a global situation and giving enough details about it. The vocabulary was on point, a bit complexity might be added but overall there was a good balance between basic and complex. The entire piece had a poetic feel to it, the flow might be better though, some lines felt stretched, multis would've been a nice add-on. Solid work fam |
lets brake it down..........
okay......... verse1:mad:this wasvey motional, deep lyrics,could flow better....but thats cauze there was long lines so gd job........structure was gd....not any bad hook:suit well with ur verses...... verse2:ec:pretty same kind of verse like was mads....maybe better flow.....but those both were gd................... overal:very gd drop 9/10 |
extremely short..... imagery was cool i feel to make ur stuff more interestin try makin ur rhymes more complex n also ur first verse i noticed alot of it didnt rhyme.. was dis intentional????.. hook is cool.. but not structured like a hook should be*shakes head at E.C* u shud kno better fooooool ye not bad but needs to be more to read cos wasnt really alot to pick up on... keep it up
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this was good for ur first open mic..........i feel u have a good imagention...ur hook was good....an structure on point.....i like this verse it was pretty deep.......8.5/10....keep it up Famz.....
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Thanx for the feed
uppin........ |
This was a pretty decent drop...you struggled alittle to get your thought across..felt you could have wordered this way better..alittle to simple for me...Vocab was also simple...felt it could have been alittle more complex..But Overall it was a pretty decent drop... not anything HOF..but regular material ..keep it up
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