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"Behind Closed Doors"
Look Into Her Eyes... She Looks Back At My
Face Sudductively As Up My Knee A Hand Rides. I'm, Shook... Left Breathless While She Leens In With Full Pouty Lips, Doubtfull Of Nothing... We Kiss. Every Brief Second Lust Linked Screams Enter, Rush The Essance Of Silence Until It Seems There Never Was. One Thing To Another, Another To This... From Soft Kissed Lips To The Pelvic Thrust Of Two Hips. Dave: Shit, FUCKING GREAT!!! *Girlfriend Looks Down* Girlfriend: *Sigh* Its Okay Baby, Its Not Your Fault Dave: I Dont Even Feel Like A Man Girlfriend: Baby, Its An Actual Medical Problem, Not Your Fault. We'll Can Just Go Talk To The Doctor About One Of Those Pills. Dave: *Grins* ... I Love You Girlfriend: I Love You Too *Gives A Soft Kiss* .................................................. ......... *Laying In Bed, Looking At His Sleeping Girlfried* She's Beautiful, She Wants Me... Im Usefull For Nothing... Fuck I Cant Even Lie To Pull An Errection For Fucking... It's Fucking Rediculous. I Lust Her So, Though My Lower Doesnt Seem Into This. I Dont Know... What Is Wrong With Me? Look At Her, How Could That Sensation Be Denied From Her... She So Fucking Perfect But There's Something Just Not Working... Im Worthless. Give A Quick Kiss Goodnight... Lights Off And Her Beauty Still Illuminates Free Through The Gray's Cancers. *Next Morning At Work* The Dulldrums Of Work Fall Far From The Thoughts That Im Lost In... All Scars Run This Pondering Minds Wondering Timeing. I Just Cant Stand The Fact That Im This Fucking Man To Everyone But Am Less Than Any Many Of Women To A Womans Lovin. *Then It Hits Me...* Holy Shit... Holy Fucking Shit, What If- What If Im Gay? N-no Thats Insane... Fuck This. The Rest Of The Day Raced... The Lace Vail Of A Stail Brained Thought Continued A Plague For Wich Ripped Apart It's Every Counter Arguement As I Sit... The Lepor, Me... Out There The More I Battled My Poor Riddle This Little Raddle Still Chimed Porn. Simply Birthed A Dirty Thought, That Odly Enough Just Got Me... Off. My God, There's No Other Option... Im A Fag... Im A Fuckign Faggot. I Cant Stop The Thoughts... They're There Now. Now My Mind's Been Poluted, How Could I Drownd Out An Idea That Year After Year Has Always Been Hiding Here Dormant But Near. *Battling Himself For Exceptance* But, I Could Never Tell Rachel... 8 Full Years Just Severed By 8 Whole Minuts Of A Soul Searching Eventually Earning All This Fact To Back Its Horrific Learnings. *Promises Himself...* No Way, I'll Never Say That I'm Gay. For The Sake Of Rache I'm Sayn Nothing Of This Odd Imperfection Thats Born. The Truth Of This Errection, Is To Stay In Confessions Behind A Locked Door. *Walks In The Door* Dave: Hey Baby *Gives A Kiss* Girlfirend: *Returns Kiss* Dave: What Do You Say We Make That Appointment To Talk To The Doctor? ------------------------------------------------ Links: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=208038 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=208091 |
good flow
and i d like t o clarify something this is a true story atty jsut couldnt get it up :/ and i was like its ok atty *and then i wetn to my other mans house* so we went and got him pills so no need to be sympathetic lol |
structure n flow was pretty clean, i enjoyed this piece actually, was an interesting read, keep it up man, nice drop
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not bad bro. the topic was cool. i didnt like the whole cut a sentecne short to rhyme and continue it next line. it really throws the reader off. vocab and imagery werent bad. flow was alright. u dropped an okay piece. you started off great but all the cutting sentences short really fucked it up. keep droppin. pz
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Thanks Man,
Ya, And I Write Like That Cuz Then You Just Read Through. Just Fallow The Punctuation ... But I Really Apreciate The Feedback. |
btw, RTF please mate
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Ya, When I Get Back From School I Will.
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good topic and good flow
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